


Don't Wanna Get Caught Up

by Nuanta



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Demisexual Character, M/M, and way too much fluff probably, basically jamie develops feelings and then discovers gay sex with feelings, jamie is demisexual, seriously this is a massive pile of trash, trash heap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:23:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3566183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuanta/pseuds/Nuanta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being demisexual while trying to earn a place among the NHL’s best means Jamie just doesn’t have the time to devote to trying to develop a relationship. When Tyler Seguin is traded to Dallas, Jamie works hard to build chemistry between them so that they can play great hockey together and prove everyone wrong. What he doesn’t count on is the development of some…other chemistry as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Wanna Get Caught Up

**Author's Note:**

> I have a friend who introduced me to the world of hockey RPF, and subsequently to the trash heap that is Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin. As such, this fic is entirely her fault. (She helped me edit it though, for which I'm grateful, so I suppose she gets points for that.)
> 
> I wrote my first draft of this fic three months ago. Five drafts later, it's still not perfect but I'm satisfied enough to finally share it and move on to other projects. I tried, for the most part, to follow the timeline of the Dallas Stars season, but I may have skewed a few things to fit the narrative better. (I also have no clue what room arrangements they have on the road, but I specifically wanted them a certain way, so mleh.) But really, it was mostly an excuse to make up stupid fluffy situations to go with certain events during the season. I swear, everything devolves into fluff one way or another. Not entirely a bad thing, though.
> 
> Title taken from the song Bright Side by OBB, because I am trash.

~o~

The end of the lockout-shortened 2013 season has got to be the worst roller coaster of a stretch Jamie’s ever experienced. The Stars trade away their captain towards the end of March, just as they’re rolling into the playoff push; Jamie is promoted to alternate captain and they play with no C and three A’s for the rest of the season; they have a great five win streak in April and then just like that the magic is gone, and they close out the season with five straight loses and miss playoffs for the fifth straight year. It’s gutting and miserable, having played in four full seasons now and missing the playoffs each time, and it’s almost enough to convince Jamie he should drink himself into a stupor for the next few days. Instead, he holds the urge at bay and commiserates with Jordie in their apartment, only knocking down a few beers and sprawling lethargically on the sofa with some Netflix. If there’s one slightest bit of comfort he can take in this, it’s that at least this season Jordie is here to wallow in misery with him.

All Jamie wants is to go back to Victoria and forget about the dreadful season’s end as soon as humanly possible, forget about anything to do with hockey for a little while, but then another whirlwind of events, albeit not totally unexpected, leaves him dazed about the future and on unsure footing. The general manager is fired and replaced by Jim Nill, who takes apart the coaching staff and carefully reassembles it into something completely different, and suddenly Jamie’s more involved in hockey during the offseason than he’s ever been before. Jim calls him on the phone multiple times, and they get along surprisingly well. Jamie gets the vibe that while Jim is set on rebuilding the team into a playoff contender, he greatly values the input of his key players throughout that process. They’re on the same page about a lot of things, and Jamie likes that. He throws himself wholeheartedly into his offseason training with Jordie back home, determined to show up early to training camp and set an example for the team.

“And you’re not gonna be named captain next season,” Jordie rolls his eyes at Jamie for the umpteenth time so far that summer. Jamie’s just gotten off the phone with management and has agreed to head back to Dallas to participate in the unveiling of the new jerseys – they’re really going all-out with this rebuilding thing. It’s exciting, really, like an opportunity for a fresh start even though Jamie’s already established himself as one of the higher-end players on the team, and maybe even in the game – he was a 2012 All Star, after all. The upcoming season is going to be a big one, what with the Olympics coming up next February, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to make it to Sochi to represent his country. He wants to show the world what he can do, and he wants to do it with all of the Dallas Stars behind him. He wants to prove to the league that they can turn things around.

It’s amazing, really, what the whole change in management has inspired in him. It’s not that Jamie didn’t take leadership seriously beforehand, but it feels so much more important as of late, somehow, especially with all the talk that Jamie’s going to be named the next captain any time now. Jamie tries to shy away from that topic of conversation whenever Jordie or someone else brings it up, but at the same time, he can’t help but think that he’d be pretty good at this captain thing. It’s nice to think about, what kind of captain he might make. Mostly he figures he’d be like Toews, ever the Captain Serious, but it’s a mental image he likes nonetheless.

Then comes July 4th, and all of Jamie’s careful preparation and work thus far could not have saved him from the pure chaos that results in the aftermath.

“A _seven_ -player trade?” Jordie exclaims incredulously after Jamie’s put the phone down. They’d just sat down at the kitchen table for lunch when Jamie got the call. “With _Boston_?”

“Yeah.” Jamie stares at the phone sitting silently on the table, unable to quite believe it himself. Loui Eriksson, Reilly Smith, Matt Fraser and Joe Morrow were gone, traded for Tyler Seguin, Rich Peverley, and Ryan Button. “I guess I should probably get in touch with the new guys, welcome them to the team.”

“Right, cause you’re not going to be captain this year,” Jordie scoffs, but then he crinkles his nose. “Tyler Seguin, though. Doesn’t he have a rep for missing team breakfast?” He makes an exaggerated face.

Jamie shrugs. “Might’ve been something like that,” he says, but he doesn’t really care. He knows those kinds of stories tend to be causes for concern, but he’s also aware of Seguin’s immense talent. He’s three years younger than Jamie and still has three years’ worth of playoff experience that Jamie’s never had. The team could really use someone like that. And if that wasn’t enough, Jim also mentioned moving Seguin from right wing to his position of natural center on the top line, allowing Jamie to go back to his natural position at left wing. The prospect of moving back to wing and playing with such a young talent was exciting.

But then the twitter situation happens, the same night that Seguin supposedly threw a massive Fourth of July party, and for a brief period of time it seems like all hell has broken loose. The tweet is removed, Seguin apologizes and explains that he’d been hacked, and his account is disabled, but the damage has already been done.

“Ugh,” Jordie nearly spits in disgust when they learn of this new development. “Are you still looking forward to playing with someone like that, Chubbs?”

Jamie sighs heavily from the opposite couch in the living room. Jordie’s browsing movies on Netflix and Jamie’s not in the mood to assist him with the choice. “I feel kinda bad for the kid,” he admits finally. Jordie rolls his eyes and heckles him some more, but Jamie’s not listening.

Thing is, he really does feel bad for Seguin. He can’t imagine what it must feel like, getting traded from the team that drafted you second overall, the team you won the Cup with in your rookie year and nearly repeated with two years later. It must have been gutting. He wonders how it compares to not making it to the playoffs five years in a row.

He’s grabbing his phone and typing a text before he has the chance to second-guess himself, pulling up the number he’d gotten from management mere days ago.

_[you] Welcome to the team! This is Jamie Benn. Looking forward to playing with you. Should be a good year._

He doesn’t get a response back until they’re halfway through the movie and Jamie’s phone buzzes where he left it on the lamp table next to the couch.

_[Tyler Seguin] thx, looking forward 2 it_

Jamie looks at the text thoughtfully for a moment before he types in a reply, and this time, Seguin’s answer comes almost immediately.

_[you] If you need anything in Dallas, let me know. I can show you around, help you find a place to stay, that kind of thing._

_[Tyler Seguin] thatd be great thx, ill let you know when im in town_

_[you] Awesome, sounds good._

Jamie stares blankly at the TV screen for a minute before he makes up his mind and pushes himself to his feet. At Jordie’s quizzical glance, he says, “This movie sucks,” and turns to leave the room.

“Your face sucks,” Jordie calls after him, and Jamie cranes his neck to stick his tongue out at him before he retreats to his bedroom.

Once there, he hunches over his iPad and pulls up Seguin’s official player page. He briefly browses some of his stats before he pulls up actual video footage of Seguin’s play and god, can that kid ever skate. Jamie’s lips curl up a little as he stares, transfixed, at the screen while Seguin catches a pass cleanly on his tape and effortlessly carries the puck past a defenseman. His grin broadens when Seguin snaps a gorgeous one-timer into the top corner.

A few minutes later, he’s watching him carry the puck along the boards when an opposing player charges for him. Jamie blinks and sits back, startled, when Seguin dumps the puck and eases off so that the guy misses him. He rewinds the play and leans in, watches closely as Seguin’s eyes flicker to the defender, clearly noticing his intent. Jamie frowns and digs for more footage.

His research results in the discovery of three very interesting consistencies in Seguin’s game: he’s got deft hands that can handle the puck like it’s nobody’s business, quick feet up and down the ice, and a strange reluctance to play that physical Boston game. He dimly wonders if the latter could end up being an issue, but there’s a flicker of anticipation and excitement sparking in his chest that easily eclipses that train of thought.

He spends the rest of the evening watching as much video as he can possibly find, scrutinizing the way Seguin skates, the patterns he likes, where he likes to receive passes and where he likes to pass to. He makes a mental note to ask management for more footage tomorrow. Whatever Jordie might think, Jamie’s definitely looking forward to playing with Tyler Seguin.

~o~

August rolls around quickly after that, and when Jamie’s left off the Olympic orientation roster, he can’t help the sinking feeling in his chest, the feeling that even though he led his team in points last season despite playing fewer games than most of them, he’d still go unnoticed because the Stars couldn’t make the playoffs, and no one wants a guy from a team that doesn’t know how to win. They’re silly thoughts – there are immensely talented players on every NHL team regardless of their position in the standings - and he’s being unreasonable thinking that way, but Jordie still makes sure he’s aware of his stupidity.

“Don’t be dumb, Chubbs. There’s plenty of time for you to show them what you can do,” his brother keeps reminding him, ruffing up his hair. “The roster’s not set in stone until after Christmas.”

Jamie knows that, has been trying to tell himself that ever since he’d first got wind of the roster, but it still settles heavily over him even as he tries to go through his daily routine like everything’s normal, unable to even crack a smile at Jordie’s jokes. He’s eating pre-sliced cold cuts out of the fridge, too lazy to make himself a proper sandwich and resolutely ignoring Jordie’s eye rolls, when his phone buzzes in his back pocket.

_[Tyler Seguin] lets prove them wrong_

He stares at the words on his screen for a long time before he finally replies.

_[you] Yeah._

From that point onwards, there’s so much going on that Jamie doesn’t even have the time to think about the orientation camp snub. He arrives back in Dallas ahead of Jordie after Jim Nill asks him to come early to deal with all sorts of media-related business (“yep, and you’re totally not gonna be the next captain!” Jordie reminds him giddily when he drops him off at the airport), and then not even a week later, Seguin arrives in town and Jamie offers to take him to dinner. Ever since those first few texts, they’d been in touch throughout the summer, and it seems only natural to be the one to welcome the new kid to the city. Besides, after texting back and forth for the better part of two months, Jamie really wants to finally meet him and see what Tyler Seguin’s all about.

Jamie meets him in the lobby of the hotel he’s staying at. Even though he’s seen pictures and video, it’s weird to see him in person and realize that they’re almost the same height – Jamie keeps thinking of him as a kid. Jamie knows that overall, he wins out in size and muscle, but that doesn’t change the fact that Seguin showed up to Dallas most definitely in fantastic shape. It’s a little unnerving, honestly, how unabashed Seguin is with his body – he’s picked a shirt that’s tight fitting around his well-toned physique, short sleeves showing off his ink-covered arms.

Seguin perks up instantly from a leather seat in the hotel lobby when Jamie walks in, recognizing him immediately. “Hey!” he exclaims as he pushes himself to his feet.

Jamie smiles a little nervously as he approaches. He’d honestly been hoping Jordie would be there with him as a buffer when he finally got to meet Tyler Seguin, but he tries to shake it off, determined not to make this awkward. Probable team captain or not, he needs to make him feel welcome. He _wants_ to make him feel welcome.

Jamie reaches out a hand, which Seguin takes in a firm grip. “I’m Jamie,” he says, and then when he realizes what he’s said he quickly adds in, “You knew that already. I mean, you can call me Jamie.” He mentally kicks himself as he feels his cheeks heating up.

Seguin just grins. “Nice to finally meet you,” he replies. “Back in Boston they called me Sexy Seggy.”

Jamie’s entire thought process comes to a screeching halt as he stares and everything goes cold. “Um.”

Just as suddenly as he’d blanked, a whirlwind of thoughts crashes into his brain. Is Seguin for real? What does he even answer to a comment like that? This silence must be terrible. It’s probably some joke that he doesn’t get, and Seguin’s gonna think he’s stupid for not understanding and now he’s gone and made things awkward and –

And then Seguin’s doubled over laughing, clenching his sides and turning his face away to try and hide the massive grin – Jamie doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone smile with that much teeth in his entire life – and all the tension dissipates as easily as it had come.

“Dude!” he exclaims between giggles, straightening back up again. “I was just joking, man. You should’ve seen the look on your face, it was priceless! Just call me Tyler.”

Jamie’s shoulders sag heavily as he sighs in relief. Tyler doesn’t seem at all bothered by Jamie’s reaction; in fact, Jamie gets the feeling that this is exactly the kind of reaction Tyler wanted. His cheeks are red-hot and he feels something similar to when he falls behind in a play and has to skate extra hard to catch up. It’s embarrassing, but it’s not totally uncomfortable, so Jamie takes some small victory in that.

He tries to recover quickly. “All right then, _Tyler_ ,” he says, emphasizing the name. “So, you ask the guys in Boston to call you that when you got there too?”

Tyler nods and makes a face. “No one wanted to.”

Feeling daring, Jamie shoots back, “Can’t blame them,” and Tyler grins and laughs like he agrees so he figures as far as introductions go, this one can’t have been all that bad after all.

Jamie drives him around town, showing him all the important places, like good restaurants and bars and places to live as well as the arena and practice facility, and they stop at one of his favorite steakhouses for dinner somewhere in between. Tyler marvels at the quality of the steak and complains about the Texas heat, and it’s pretty easy conversation so Jamie doesn’t feel so on edge anymore. When Jamie drops Tyler off at his hotel at the end of the evening, it’s with a promise to have him over for dinner once Jordie arrives in town, an invitation which Tyler eagerly accepts. Jamie gets home that night feeling hesitantly optimistic, hoping it’s not too presumptuous of him to think that.

He shoots Jordie a quick text to confirm what day he’s coming back, and then texts Tyler with a tentative cooking date, to which Tyler answers back almost immediately with a bunch of stupid smiley emojis. Jamie rolls his eyes. Tyler would be the type to use those, he knows now.

He surprises himself when he’s lying in bed a while later and realizes he’s actually looking forward to the next time they meet. Most importantly, though, he can’t wait to start playing hockey.

~o~

Jordie gets back into town a few days later and Tyler comes over for dinner that same day. Jordie had his reservations, but he and Tyler hit it off right away, and Jamie can see the similarities in their personalities. They’re both loud and outgoing, though Tyler seems to beat Jordie out on the obnoxious meter, and it’s surprisingly easy for the three of them to get along and so the cooking nights together just keep happening. It seems only natural to keep inviting Tyler over for dinner since he’s still living in a hotel anyways. Tyler’s social and likeable and once he starts laughing, it’s hard for the brothers not to join in too. They quickly get comfortable chirping each other in the kitchen, taking turns cleaning and preparing and helping out in any way they can while still trying to get in each other’s way. Sometimes they gang up on Jamie and he’s left feeling out of place and playing catch up with their jokes, but they never seem to rib him too much for it. Catching Jamie off guard quickly turns into Tyler’s favorite pastime, much to Jordie’s delight, and Jamie can’t even really get upset at either of them for it. It’s easy and it’s fun, even if it’s at his own expense. Besides, Jamie’s always enjoyed it most when the people around him are in good spirits.

Training camp begins, and with it comes reunions and team meetings with the new coach and GM. They have a great first meeting with Jim Nill, Lindy Ruff, and the rest of the coaching staff, who say all the right things to get the team motivated, and Jamie doesn’t waste any time making sure he’s always on the same page as them – not even because he wants to prove he deserves the captaincy or anything like that, but because he wants to do everything in his power to help make the team great this year. Whether or not he does it with a letter on his jersey is of no importance to him when he looks at the big picture.

They’ve also got autograph signing sessions lined up and all of the usual media dealings to take care of. Not surprisingly, reporters swarm the new management, but they also hound both Jamie and Tyler at every chance they get for an interview. Jamie’s not surprised, though – everyone wants to know how he feels about the prospect of becoming the new captain, and Tyler’s the Big Offseason Acquisition and all eyes are on him to see how he compares with his Boston image.

The thing that does surprise Jamie, though, is how composed Tyler remains throughout his numerous interviews. He never wavers, even after being asked the same tiring questions surrounding the controversies in Boston, stressing the importance of a fresh start here in Dallas and expressing his excitement to finally go back to his natural center position. He says all the right things and doesn’t even hesitate, no matter what question is asked, always poised to answer more. He’s also very articulate, something Jamie knows he still has to work on.

“Obviously we’ve had, um, some great captains here in the past,” he’s telling a reporter, when out of the corner of his eye he notices Tyler watching him give his interview from a distance, “and, and I definitely got to learn a lot from Brenden Morrow. I’m gonna leave it up to, uh, the coaches and the GM. If I do get it, um, you know, I’ll just try to lead by example. It would be an honor, for sure.”

Tyler hangs back to wait for him when Jamie’s wrapping up from his turn with the media. He gave Tyler a lift this morning, which kind of leaves no choice in the matter, but he knows Tyler also has something to say when he’s hanging around like that, relaxed against the wall and smiling easily.

“Don’t like talking to the media much, Bennie?” he teases.

Jamie shrugs. “It’s part of the game,” he replies.

Tyler frowns at him. “If they make you captain, you’re gonna have to do this all the time,” he says.

Jamie gives him a level gaze, meeting his eyes. “I know,” he says simply. Tyler stares back, something almost akin to wonder on his face, but it’s only a brief moment until Jamie breaks eye contact and turns to leave. “Come on, let’s go find Jordie.”

He wants to say more, but he doesn’t think Tyler would understand. It doesn’t matter whether or not Jamie enjoys talking to the media. Jamie loves hockey more than anything in the world, and he’ll do whatever it takes to succeed. If part of that involves stumbling through interviews, he’ll do it gladly, because being able to make a career out of the game he loves makes it all worth it.

With the conclusion of training camp comes the beginning of the preseason, and Jamie doesn’t think he’s been this excited since his rookie year. Tyler’s amazing on the ice, and even though they spent most of camp on different teams, he could definitely tell there was the potential for something big, and he can’t wait for it to develop on the ice, starting with the preseason games.

As it turns out, Jamie was right to expect great things. It doesn’t come right away, but those hours over the summer spent studying Tyler’s tendencies are definitely paying off; Jamie has a good sense of where to find Tyler on the ice as well as where to get open for him, and Tyler does a good job of finding him and getting open for Jamie relatively easily as well. It’s not perfect – they send the puck wide sometimes and they can’t quite pass without looking or anything crazy like that yet – but it’s coming along nicely. If this is a sign of things to come, Jamie thinks that this just might be their year.

Tyler moves into one of the units in Jamie and Jordie’s building, four floors below theirs, shortly after the preseason begins. They help him move his things out of the hotel, unpack when more of his things get sent over from Boston, and even help put together his new furniture, but even once Tyler’s settled he still keeps coming round for dinner. Jamie doesn’t mind; he figures Tyler probably appreciates the company and he kind of likes it anyways. They trade spare keys not even a week later.

They close out the preseason with a win, undefeated in regulation throughout the month, and a final team meeting is held the morning of the big season-opening press conference. Jim Nill speaks out, informing them that he wants the team aware of the situation before anyone else finds out, and then he names Jamie captain.

The team turns and cheers and claps for him where he’s sitting in the back of the room, and Jamie’s able to hide the sound of his heavy exhale when they do, fighting to keep a straight face and keep his attention on Jim at the front of the room despite the little bubbles of happiness rising in his chest. Jamie’s known about this for a couple of days now, when Jim told him in a private meeting, and it was pretty easy to keep it secret, but now it’s hard to keep focused with all the praise in the room directed at him. All his life he’s been taught to show humility when it comes to receiving praise, to not let it get to his head. Even in game situations, if someone tells him on the bench that he made a sick pass or scored a beauty, he just nods in thanks and keeps his focus on what comes next, never allowing himself to smile. There can be time for reflection later. Now, it’s official, and Jamie doesn’t know how happy he should be allowed to feel or show, but there’s a press conference this afternoon to worry about and he’s got an example to set for the team, for real this time.

“Last time you’ll be sitting in the corner,” comes the next comment, and as a ripple of laughter goes through the room, it’s too much for him to hold in and Jamie cracks into a smile. It’s only there for a moment, and he quickly reins it in to focus on Jim’s announcement for the alternates.

The rest of the time before the press conference passes by in a huge blur of congratulations from the organization and instructions for what’s going to happen and speech preparations and then the next thing he knows, Jamie’s putting on a jersey with the C on the front and addressing the crowd, reading from a pre-written speech and still managing to mess it up a little when it’s right there in front of him. Even so, the announcement of his captaincy is met with great applause and overall, he thinks the presser is a pretty good success.

With the conclusion of the press conference comes the official conclusion of the preseason, and with it comes the time of year they’ve all been waiting for.Jamie doesn’t think he’s ever felt this ready. He’s got the C on his jersey and a lot to prove, and he can’t wait to do it. He keeps thinking about the text Tyler sent him back in early August.

He can’t wait to prove them wrong.

~o~

They start the regular season with a homestand. They drop the first game and the first line fails to get any points. It’s a little frustrating because Jamie knows the chances were there, but they just couldn’t finish.

It’s only the first game, so he wasn’t going to make a big deal of it, but Jordie’s driving them home after the game when Tyler asks, “Yo Jamie, can we go over our shifts at your place?”

The new feature Stars’ management has been testing over the preseason is a great addition to the rebuilding process, in Jamie’s opinion. He loves that he can now watch video of his shifts at any time he likes, not just at the rink with the coaching staff but on his own time as well. Since the idea was introduced, Jamie’s always known he’d want to go over shifts with Tyler, but he hadn’t counted on Tyler being the one to initiate, especially not this early.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he answers, glancing over his shoulder to nod at Tyler sitting in the backseat.

They grab some Gatorade from the fridge and huddle together on the couch with their iPads while Jordie prepares a postgame snack. Now that Tyler’s opened the floor to critique, Jamie is quick to share his thoughts on every little aspect he can find, even Tyler’s faceoffs and their line changes (“you asked for it, Segs,” Jordie calls from the kitchen when Tyler accuses Jamie of being too picky). Tyler grumbles about it at first, but soon he’s scrutinizing just as hard as Jamie is, and they trade a good deal of insight with a healthy dose of bickering before Jordie calls them to the kitchen for food. Jordie settles on the couch afterwards to watch some Netflix, so Jamie and Tyler stay in the kitchen to continue going over their shifts, only joining Jordie in the living room once they’re finally satisfied with what they’ve discussed.

They win their second game, and this time Jamie and Tyler both assist on the same goal. Admittedly Jamie doesn’t think he did much, just got the puck to Tyler behind the net, and Tyler follows with a great centering pass to Cole, who was wide open in the slot. Just like with the first game, though, they arrive back home and head straight to the couch with their iPads. Jamie can feel their on-ice chemistry growing, and he knows Tyler can too. It’s only a matter of time before they get their first goals together.

As it turns out, they both score during their next game in Winnipeg and they get the assists on each other’s goals. Jamie barely even cracks a smile when he scores his first goal of the season, keeping his pride down as usual, but when two of Tyler’s beautiful wristers find the back of the net, Jamie whoops and praises him like he can hardly contain his excitement. Tyler very nearly gets a hat trick, but he misses an open net by mere inches. Jamie works like a maniac for the rest of the game, determined to set Tyler up – he can just imagine how that would force all the critics to eat their words and he doesn’t realize how badly he wants it until it’s over – and though things don’t pan out that way they still win the game and rack in the points, Jamie with three and Tyler with a career-high of four. Jamie’s so happy about the game he doesn’t even object when Tyler decides they don’t need to look at their shifts tonight and should go out with the team for a couple of beers instead.

Their line continues to produce even though they hit a bit of a rough patch after that, but Jamie’s confident that he and Tyler will be able to get the team going again. They go over their shifts together diligently, so much so that Jordie sometimes ribs them for it, but Jamie knows he cares about his own shifts as well so he really isn’t one to talk. After home games, they do it on Jamie’s couch so as not to leave out Jordie too much; on the road, they sit together on one of the beds in Jamie’s room. Jamie gets a room to himself – one of the perks of being captain – so they never have to worry about disturbing Pevs in Tyler’s room. Tyler’s his own toughest critic and sometimes Jamie’s taken aback by how hard he is on himself – but then again, Jamie supposes he does the same as well. In return, he tries to give Tyler all the helpful hints and encouragement he can, and Tyler is quick to do the same for Jamie. They work well together, and while they’re almost always on the same page, sometimes one of them will pick up on something the other didn’t, so it’s nice. Things are going well together and the rest of the team seems to follow their example.

When Marshall, Tyler’s dog, finally arrives near the end of the month, Jamie and Jordie head down to Tyler’s apartment immediately to meet him. Marshall is friendly and easily excitable, and Jamie isn’t even the slightest bit embarrassed when Tyler laughs at his puppy voice.

It becomes a standard routine for Tyler to knock on their door with Marshall in tow just as it’s time to get ready for dinner. Jordie pretends to complain about it, but he makes sure there’s a set of bowls for Marshall to eat and drink from.

“Don’t get mad at me,” Tyler tells him. “Marshall and I are a package deal. If anything, you should blame your brother for the standing invite.” He flashes Jamie a grin.

Jamie rolls his eyes and looks away. “That’s not what I meant,” he mumbles, but it’s a lie and he knows that Tyler knows it too.

After dinner, they sprawl onto the couch and play video games or watch Netflix, taking turns cuddling with Marshall. When it’s not Tyler, he tends to pick whichever Benn brother is left alone and cuddles up to them, just for kicks, and they’ll kick and push him off.

“You’re not a dog, Segs, gross,” Jordie complains, making a face after Tyler’s most recent attempt to plaster himself against him on the sofa.

Jamie reacts similarly when Tyler chooses him as the victim instead, but for some reason it never gets as awkward as he expects it could. If anything, he’s glad that Tyler feels this comfortable around them, because he knows this is a good sign that things will continue to translate well on the ice.

“Off,” he grunts, shoving Tyler firmly off his lap when Tyler plops down right on top of him, blocking his view of the TV.

Tyler rolls onto the floor and Marshall leaps out of Jordie’s lap to lick his face. Tyler scrunches his nose into the doggy kisses as he coos, but then he looks up at Jamie with a mock hurt expression on his face. “You let Marshall sit on your lap, why can’t I?” he fake whines.

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Still not a dog,” he reminds him. Tyler scoffs and laughs.

~o~

Sometimes, the team will go for drinks after a game and Jamie goes with them. He didn’t usually join them in the past; he much preferred to cool down and relax back at his place where he could be alone with his thoughts and his brother’s company. This year, though, Tyler is all for team bonding after games and Jamie almost feels obligated to him as his linemate – besides, it would probably look better if the captain was more involved – so he joins them as often as he possibly feels he can before he feels so drained he just needs to go home and flop on the couch alone for a few hours. He even lets himself get a little bit buzzed sometimes, but even then he’s always careful.

The first couple of times it’s a little tiring, but it gets easier after that. Tyler, Jamie immediately discovers, is a massive flirt, scanning the bar for the hottest person he can find – male or female doesn’t seem to make any difference – and making a beeline in their direction, engaging in small talk and buying them drinks and making suggestive faces. Sometimes he’ll dance with them too, but in the end he always returns to the team table with a sort of satisfied smirk on his face. Some of the guys chirp him for it, but Tyler shrugs them all off with ease and gets all close and personal up in their space instead. He always walks home with Jamie and Jordie whenever they’re ready to leave – sometimes Jamie begs off early because he feels like he’s going to suffocate if he stays in the heavy bar atmosphere any longer, but he knows that Tyler will make sure to head back with Jordie later – and he decidedly does not hook up. It makes Jamie wonder about all those stories that came with Tyler from Boston, but in the end he knows it doesn’t really matter anymore.

Jamie, predictably, has a much more difficult time handling good-looking people he meets at the bar – in fact, he would honestly rather not have to deal with them at all, but he’s the captain of an NHL team and is in great shape to boot so he knows of course he’s going to end up turning some heads. It’s mostly cute girls that approach him on his way to and from the bathroom, all bright eyes and pretty smiles, but Jamie fumbles through any sort of conversation and the fact that he can feel his cheeks heating up simply flusters him more. He’s usually able to get away from them pretty quickly, but he feels guilty all the same. The guys never cease to heckle him for it when he returns to the table, even Jordie, but Jordie’s learned by now to take Jamie’s cues to change the subject if it gets too much.

Tyler’s not always around to witness it, but when he does, he always flashes Jamie a strange look, to which Jamie simply shrugs. He doesn’t ask about it until one night when it’s just the two of them walking home because they have the day off tomorrow and Jordie’s almost definitely hooking up with the girl he was dancing with at the bar, so they leave him behind without a word. Tyler is obviously a little tipsy, grinning lazily and nudging into Jamie with his shoulder as they walk, but Jamie downed the last of his beer well over an hour ago and his buzz is completely gone. He watches as Tyler stumbles back from the check, always at a size disadvantage when Jamie is his target, and Jamie can’t help the question nagging in the back of his brain.

“Why don’t you hook up?”

“Huh?” Tyler looks up from rubbing his shoulder, confused.

Jamie gestures vaguely behind them in the direction of the bar. “Why don’t you ever hook up?”

Tyler just grins harder. “Sacrifice for the team, Bennie!” he exclaims, clapping him across the back. Jamie winces in spite of himself, even though it doesn’t hurt. “Gotta focus on hockey first for now. I told you we’re gonna prove them wrong, didn’t I?”

Jamie feels a little wave of affection and approval wash over him. For all his bravado, Tyler’s the kind of person who wears his heart on his sleeve, and it baffles Jamie that there are actually people out there who are still doubting Tyler’s intentions. Tyler wants this so badly he’s willing to sacrifice everything else to get it, and Jamie wants it all the more because of it – not just because the sting of not making the Team Canada orientation roster still lingers, cause he’d be a liar if he said it didn’t – but also because he wants the entire league to see what Tyler Seguin is capable of. What they’re capable of together.

“What about you?” Tyler’s question startles Jamie out of his reverie, and he looks over his shoulder to see Tyler looking at him, his expression serious, though something seems to glitter across his eyes.

“What about me?”

“You don’t hook up either, and you’re pretty terrible at flirting,” Tyler comments, the corners of his mouth curling a little. “Do you not like girls?”

“I like girls,” Jamie answers automatically, but his steps have slowed down and Tyler’s looking at him strangely and his chest feels heavy and constricted. “I just…” he struggles to find the right words. “I don’t feel anything when it doesn’t mean anything,” he finally settles on, sighing heavily. He knows it’s vague, he knows that Tyler probably won’t understand, but he doesn’t know how else to explain it. Jordie was the one who did the internet research for him years ago when Jamie first realized he had this problem, had helped him figure things out and never once made fun of him for it. Jamie realizes now that he’s never actually talked to anyone else about it before, the way a person has to mean something to him before he feels any sort of attraction. It’s something that’s never really come up, and Jamie’s so focused on hockey and his career that his sexuality never really seemed all that important – not now, anyways. Not when he’s just become captain of an NHL team and the possibility of going to the Olympics is almost something tangible. He can take care of himself in the meantime.

Tyler’s looking at him with a thoughtful expression on his face. “How do you know?” he asks. “Have you tried?” Jamie swallows and nods, wishing he didn’t have to think about it, not now, not when it doesn’t matter anymore and hockey comes first. He wishes he’d never asked Tyler about him not hooking up, wishes he hadn’t put the idea in Tyler’s head to reciprocate the question.

Then Tyler breaks into another trademark grin, flashing all his teeth. “Well, you gotta do you!” he says, loud and merry, patting Jamie on the back some more. “Whatever floats your boat, man.”

Jamie rolls his eyes and shoves himself into Tyler, knocking him a good few steps off the sidewalk, but Tyler just laughs and comes right back to check him again just like a boomerang. Tyler fills the rest of the walk with idle chatter, and it’s easy and comforting and soon Jamie’s laughing along with him as well.

~o~

They hit November and they’ve got two big road trips coming up. Lindy holds a team meeting before practice to stress the importance of having a good mentality going into these games, that making sure they play their systems right will be instrumental to their success since they won’t have much practice time. Practice time is a luxury they won’t get much of this season, what with all the games so condensed to make up for the Olympic break in February.

Jamie notices something flicker in Tyler’s expression when Lindy mentions the upcoming game in Boston, but he can’t quite place what it means. He’s been down to Tyler’s apartment enough times to see November 5th circled on his calendar, so he knows Tyler probably thinks about going back to play there often enough. He almost wants to ask him about it, but even then he has no idea what to say or how.

Jamie gets the shootout winner in Ottawa on November 3rd and Tyler is unusually subdued after the game. He doesn’t want to go grab a beer with the guys afterwards, and even though for once Jamie was actually looking forward to having a quick drink with the team, he begs off going out as well.

Tyler barely says anything when they start to go over their shifts together in Jamie’s room, and the heaviness in the room is unsettling, thick and uncomfortable like it’s going to suffocate him. They’ve only just reached the second period and Jamie already can’t stand it any longer. He sighs heavily, closes the screen and places the iPad on the night table.

Tyler blinks as if shaken out of a daze. “What was that for? We’re not done.”

“Yeah, we’re done,” Jamie responds firmly. “We’re not doing this tonight if you’re just gonna be stuck in your head.” He’s not really sure what’s come over him, what’s prompting him to speak so boldly, but he knows it has to be said.

“I’m not,” Tyler says, but he’s shrinking in on himself and looking over at Jamie with wide, uncertain eyes and his voice is smaller than Jamie’s ever heard it before. Jamie’s suddenly struck by the realization of how young Tyler is. It’s true, they’re only a few years apart, but Tyler brings so much experience to the table from his time in Boston that it’s easy to forget he’s only 21 years old. Christ, he’s still just a _kid_.

Jamie gives him a pointed look. Now that he’s sure he’s reading Tyler properly, he feels even more confident in his words. “You’re worrying about Boston,” he states.

Tyler sighs and looks at his feet, defeated. Suddenly he looks very small.

“I don’t know how it’s gonna feel,” he admits finally. “It’s just…” He pauses, leaving his mouth hanging open. “They didn’t…” He frowns, nose scrunching, and bites his lower lip. Then his eyes steel over and his expression is unreadable when he finally mutters, “Never mind.”

Jamie remains silent for a moment. Residual bitterness from the trade is only natural. Part of him wants to tell Tyler that it was for the better, that he’s way better off playing in a different system than what the Bruins were doing to him, but he doesn’t think that’s the most tactful comment to make right now.

“We gave up a lot to get you here, you know,” he says finally.

“Yeah, and I bet you they’re gloating about how they won that trade.”

Tyler looks just as startled as Jamie feels. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he says hurriedly. “Forget I said anything.”

Jamie stares, his heart beating a mile a minute, until he finally manages, “No.” Tyler frowns at him, and Jamie takes a deep breath. “We think you’re worth it,” he tells him. Something in Tyler’s features softens, so he continues, “we _know_ you’re worth it. Forget what Boston thinks.”

Tyler’s expression breaks into something almost desperately hopeful, like he’s just begging Jamie to be telling him the truth, and Jamie’s chest aches. He doesn’t want to see anybody like this. He tries to force what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Besides, things are good here. Aren’t we doing what we set out to do? We’re gonna prove them all wrong, just like you said, right?”

The corners of Tyler’s mouth crinkle upwards, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Yeah, we are.”

Jamie pats him gently on the back, and then Tyler’s standing up and heading towards the door. “I’m gonna get some sleep,” he says. “See you tomorrow.”

“We’ll be in and out of there before you know it,” Jamie calls after him lamely, and then the door’s opening and closing and he’s alone in the room, left in wonder at how fragile a person Tyler Seguin really is.

~o~

They land in Boston the next day and the media is all over Tyler immediately, both before and after practice. He’s animated as always, taking a few comments with his usual smile and giving all the expected answers – how he doesn’t really know what to expect but how special it is to be back, how much he’s always loved this city, that he’s learned a lot from his time here and that he’s excited to be playing in Dallas now, that he knows the game will be exciting and he’s still come out looking for a win. He’s asked if he feels like Boston gave up on him and Tyler cracks a smile and puts up a convincing lie, but Jamie’s livid seeing him have to go through that. He gets that the media loves a good story, but he knows it’s not fair. He’s amazed at how well Tyler’s handling it and how strong of a person he is to be able to not even show the slightest cracks under all that pressure, and it’s because of this that Jamie vows to do everything in his power to give Tyler the win tomorrow.

He and Tyler are both all focus in the dressing room before the game, but when they step on the ice amidst a sea of black and gold Jamie hears Tyler’s breath catch for a moment. He turns to look at him but his face is hard as a rock and completely unreadable. Jamie shrugs it off and directs all of his attention to the task at hand.

The first time Tyler touches the puck and the stadium fills with boos, Jamie wants to break something. He quickly bites down on that feeling, still playing physical but trying to focus on getting his legs going, on moving the puck well. The urge to level Lucic is overwhelming, but Jamie refuses to play into the Bruins’ game, knows that’s exactly what they want, and he will not give in. Instead, he thinks of Tyler’s text from August and reminds himself of what he’s here for. It works, and three minutes later he’s firing a shot past Rask into the net for the first goal of the game.

Their lead is short-lived as the Bruins tie it up not even a minute later. It feels like they’re playing the rest of the period on their heels, but they manage to escape the first twenty minutes without further damage. Jamie hates playing that way; he likes to be in control, or to at least know that he _can_ control the game when he’s on the ice. He glances around the locker room and stops for a moment, catching the hardened look on Tyler’s face, and that prompts him to finally speak up.

“Come on boys, we’re not in a bad spot,” he says, and everyone turns to look at him. He ignores some of their raised eyebrows and hopes his expression is as resolute as he’s trying to sound. “Let’s jump the gun in the second and play like we mean it, let’s go.” Some of the guys holler in agreement and Jamie moves to his spot by the door to see them back onto the ice, the tingling across his skin slowly dissipating.

His first shift of the second feels more natural. He throws his weight around, feeling the rush of power and satisfaction when his shoulder connects hard with the center of a black jersey to keep the puck in the Bruins’ zone. He can sense Tyler and Val on the ice with him without looking to see where they are, and nothing exists but the puck, making its way from tape to tape with the growing ease he has come to know playing with these linemates. The whole team is energized by their efforts, and Jamie watches the blurs of white and green flashing past him from the bench with pride and determination. Whenever he’s back on the ice with Tyler, he drives past the black and gold like they’re meaningless obstacles, settles the puck against his stick blade as he darts across the ice before passing it off, hearing the glide of the puck against the ice and the snap of Tyler’s stick as he fires a one-timer towards the net. They don’t score, but Jamie knows they’re close; he can feel it with the rush of wind as he skates up the ice, can taste it in the cool arena air, and so he plays every shift like it’s his last, plopping onto the bench when it’s done, sweating and out of breath.

The booing and jeering whenever Tyler touches the puck doesn’t stop, though, and while Tyler hasn’t given any outward indication that he’s registered the unwelcome reception, it echoes in Jamie’s ears even through the restless cutting of skates across the ice and crawls across his skin like an itch he can’t scratch. Maybe he really does deserve the diving call he takes in the third, but he’d really wanted to draw that penalty so that the team could get a power play goal and shut those fans up; instead, he sits in the box for his two minutes watching his boys play at even strength in front of him and feeling guilty as hell.

They come out of regulation tied 2-2 and the game goes into shootouts. Jamie shoots first for the Stars, but he doesn’t give the puck quite as much air as he wanted and Rask makes the easy save. He’s still mentally kicking himself over it when it’s Tyler’s turn to shoot, but even from the bench Jamie can see the fire in his eyes. Tyler scores a beauty that takes Rask completely by surprise, and Jamie lets out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, feels his shoulders droop and he hadn’t even realized they’d been hunched up like that.

They end up going into a fourth round of shooters and Pevs wins it for them. Jamie can’t think of a more fitting end to the game, both ex-Bruins leading the team to victory against their former team. Tyler is ecstatic, grinning widely and whooping and clapping everyone on the back or the helmet as the team huddles around Pevs and Kari during the on-ice celebration.

He’s still cheering a little in the dressing room once the coaching staff leaves and the guys are left to themselves to undress, and Jamie can’t help but grin every time Tyler looks over at him. The kid’s just so happy, and Jamie likes to think that maybe this game can serve as some definitive closure so that he can finally move on for real.

His happiness fades quickly when Tyler claps a hand over his head, ruffles his hair violently and exclaims, “Yo Bennie, we are going for beers tonight for sure!” and Jamie’s insides writhe horribly, red lights and sirens going off wildly in his head.

“Um, no, Segs, I don’t want to go out tonight, we have another flight in the morning,” he stammers through an answer, hoping Tyler will get the message.

He doesn’t. “Pssh, we can sleep on the flight, it’s not a big deal,” he replies. “Come on, Bennie, you know you wanna get wasted!”

Jamie thinks he might be sick. “No, no, I definitely don’t,” he answers. “We need to go over our shifts together at the hotel tonight.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “Are you serious?” he cries. “We can do it some other time. This is a big deal!” He’s so hyped up over the win already, Jamie thinks a couple of beers probably wouldn’t even be able to get him this buzzed, but he knows that Tyler’s not in the mood for just a couple of beers, and that thought terrifies him.

Jamie tries to think quickly and keep his cool. “If you get drunk tonight, we’re not going to have a chance to look at them,” he reasons. “You’re gonna want to sleep on the plane and then we have our next game to focus on.” He inhales and exhales slowly. “Now’s the only time. Come back to the room first, we’ll look at the shifts, and then you can go out. Okay? Tyler?”

Tyler’s grin fades, and he frowns at Jamie slightly. Finally his shoulders sag in defeat. “Fine, we’ll look at the shifts first,” he says. “But not for more than an hour – I still wanna go out after.” Then he turns and heads for the showers, and Jamie slumps back against his stall and tries to focus on his breathing.

Tyler’s still a little miffed when they settle on the foot of the bed together in Jamie’s room, and he’s definitely on edge and jittery, itching to get out of there. It makes Jamie nervous as he pulls up their first shift on the iPad, but he has an idea that just might work so long as he can maintain control of the situation.

They go over shifts slowly, and Jamie makes a point to stop and think before he voices any opinions, and sometimes he even rewinds to watch a play multiple times. The first time Tyler notices what he’s doing he gives Jamie a look; Jamie stares back at him defiantly even though he can feel his cheeks heating up, and finally Tyler just sighs and turns his attention back to the iPad.

It takes two hours before they finally finish and Jamie can’t drag it out any longer. By now, Tyler is visibly more relaxed, almost slumping against Jamie’s arm to glance over at the iPad on Jamie’s lap, and Jamie even catches him yawning.

“Sorry for taking so long,” he mumbles as he turns off the display. He looks down at the blank screen, hesitant to look back at Tyler. “You still gonna go out tonight?”

The bed shifts and then the weight next to him is gone. Jamie looks up to see Tyler smiling faintly, looking down at him. “Nah, I’m not really feeling it anymore. I think I’ll just head back to my room and watch a movie.”

“Stay here, then,” Jamie suggests, and then he stammers and backpedals when he realizes how that might sound. “Uh, I mean, I was gonna pull up a movie anyways,” he waves the iPad a little. “And there’s the extra bed if you get too tired.”

Tyler’s grin widens. “Sure, if I get to pick,” he says. He hops back onto the bed, propping up the pillows at the headboard so he can sit comfortably. He pats the pillows next to him. “Come on, let’s get comfy.”

“Only if you promise not to drool on me like Marshall does,” Jamie answers with a grin, and Tyler rolls his eyes, chuckling.

It takes a few moments for Jamie to settle into a comfortable position next to Tyler on the bed, but once he does he pulls up Netflix and lets Tyler point out the movie he wants. They shift and settle as the movie starts up, Jamie propping his legs up to balance the iPad so they both can see.

They’re not even fifteen minutes into the movie when Jamie feels a bit of pressure against his shoulder. He glances over and notices Tyler’s shoulder bumping against his, his head lolling slightly and his eyes closed. Jamie nudges with his elbow and Tyler’s eyes snap open.

“I let you pick the movie, don’t go falling asleep on me,” Jamie tells him.

Tyler blinks a few times and shakes himself over. “I won’t, sorry,” he mumbles, throwing Jamie a playful nudge in return.

But he does it again. And again, and again, until Jamie decides to just let him be and watches the rest of the movie with Tyler sleeping next to him. When the movie ends Jamie nudges him gently and murmurs, “Hey, go to bed,” and Tyler fumbles and rolls his legs over and promptly flops into the other bed without even bothering to get under the blankets. He’s back asleep again the moment his head hits the pillow, his breathing light and even.

Jamie stares at him for a moment before he heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He can’t really blame Tyler for falling asleep like that; he can only imagine how emotionally draining the past two days must have been for him, even if he didn’t show it much. Besides, better him passing out here than somewhere drunk in the middle of god knows where in downtown Boston. Jamie seriously cannot wait to get out of this place.

If there’s another good thing he can take away from this night, it’s that it starts a new road trip tradition between the two of them. If it’s early enough and they’re not too tired, they’ll put on a movie together after going over their shifts. Usually Tyler goes back to his own room afterwards, but on nights when he’s so tired he’s falling asleep in the middle of the movie, Jamie lets him take the extra bed. It’s essentially almost the same as what they do back in Dallas in Jamie’s apartment, only Jordie’s with them there and sometimes Tyler brings Marshall up, too. It’s a nice way to remind them of home, Jamie thinks, and it makes things a little more bearable when they lose and they’re so far away from their usual sources of comfort.

Later, when he’s lying in bed and finally starting to doze off, he thinks about what this season might have been like if they hadn’t acquired Tyler from the Bruins. He wonders what sort of years they’d be having if they were playing independently of each other. Would Tyler have 15 points in his first 15 games if he’d stayed in the Bruins’ system? Would Jamie have gotten his 14 points in those games as well? He shakes himself over mentally. They’re not even a quarter of the way through the season yet, and there’s still a lot of work to be done. They’re over .500 at the moment, but now they have to stay there.

Still, he thinks as the world goes dark around him, it’s pretty neat to have someone to share it with.

~o~

The team does reasonably well for the rest of the month, but there’s one game that Jamie thinks he’ll remember for the rest of the year. They absolutely destroy Calgary 7-3 in the middle of the month and Jamie gets a goal and five assists while Tyler gets four goals and an assist – career nights for both of them, and of course Jamie assists on all of Tyler’s goals and Tyler assists on his. Throughout the game, Jamie can’t get over how surreal it is, how Tyler gets open for him so effortlessly, every damn time – it’s like Tyler knows exactly where Jamie needs him to be – it’s so easy and natural that Jamie almost feels like he’s not even putting in the work. Watching Tyler finding the holes in the net every time, shooting with such accuracy and precision, Jamie feels more like a spectator than his linemate. They don’t celebrate much after his fourth goal – they can’t, not with the gap in the score as wide as it is – but Jamie makes sure to praise him on the bench, and Tyler lights up with it.

The media swarms Tyler after the game, asking all about his chemistry with Jamie and how great it is to score four goals. “I mean, obviously you gotta look at Bennie’s night,” Tyler tells them, and Jamie fights down a flush from where he’s packing up in his stall even though no one’s paying him any attention right now. “He was making some incredible passes out there, and some of the plays I was fortunate enough to finish them off.”

Jamie can hardly believe what he’s hearing. Does Tyler not realize the amount of skill needed to finish off those plays? Making the passes means nothing if the person receiving them can’t find a way to finish. He desperately hopes Tyler realizes that.

And then Tyler’s bringing up the text he sent Jamie back in August, the one where they decided that even though they didn’t even know each other yet, they would set out to prove everyone wrong, and Jamie has to turn away and leave the room to make sure no one sees how red his face is. The fact that Tyler feels the need to mention it to the media leaves him completely baffled. It’s still early in the season, after all, but if Tyler’s saying it now then it must really mean that he believes they’re doing a good job of it so far. It’s validating in a way Jamie didn’t realize it could be, and he has to fight down the smile threatening to take over his face – they’ve still a long way to go, and it won’t do them any good if Jamie lets his pride get in the way this early.

They lose in shootouts to Chicago, the defending Stanley Cup champions, at the end of the month and Tyler takes a nasty hit that leaves him a little banged up. He seems fine at first and he plays the rest of the game, but then he seems a little loopy back at the apartment and Jamie and Jordie exchange worried glances when Tyler keeps bringing a hand to his head during their movie.

“You’re staying here tonight,” Jordie tells him firmly, pushing his chest back into the sofa when Tyler’s about to get up after the movie’s over. It’s times like these that Jamie’s thankful for the protective older brother act.

Tyler protests immediately. “But Marshall –”

“I’ll go get him and bring him up,” Jamie promises. He’s already grabbed the spare keys to Tyler’s apartment, and he jingles them in the air as proof.

“I’m okay, really,” Tyler tries to argue.

Jordie gives him a level look. “You don’t seem fine right now, Segs. You’re sleeping here tonight, and we’ll see how you are in the morning. If it turns out you’re fine, I’ll take you out to breakfast. Deal?”

Tyler rolls his eyes, but he gives in. “Fine,” he grumbles, but he settles into the couch almost immediately.

When Jamie returns with Marshall and his normal bedding supplies in tow, Jordie’s brought blankets and pillows and Tyler’s already conked out on the couch. He sets Marshall up on the floor beside him, and when he retreats to his own room to sleep that night, he leaves the door open, just in case.

As it turns out, Tyler’s no better the next morning. He’s got a splitting headache and he can’t look into bright lights without making it worse. When they get to the arena for practice, Jamie and Jordie drag him straight to the team doctor, and Tyler is sidelined with concussion-like symptoms. The brothers force Tyler to sleep with them every night until they leave for Edmonton, and once there Jamie decides Tyler should room with him instead of Pevs. Tyler complains the whole time, calling them the Bossy Benns, but Jordie ribs him right back and Jamie doesn’t dignify him with a response. He’s captain of this team and he’s gonna make damn well sure that his players are properly taken care of.

Tyler only ends up missing two games and he gets his second hat trick in ten games in his second game back. “Now will you two stop fussing over me like I’m your sick little kid?” he asks the brothers at the apartment that night.

“You’re always a sick little kid,” Jordie shoots back, making a kicking motion as Tyler approaches him, and Jamie can’t help but laugh.

They struggle their way through mid-December but then they close out the year with five wins and points in all of their last seven games. It’s truly amazing, Jamie realizes, how he and Tyler seem to be catalysts for the rest of the team. The guys are energized when they generate momentum, blazing a trail for them to follow. Jamie constantly thinks about the Olympics now, the roster unveil happening early in the new year, and Tyler’s text from back in August. He knows they both still remember it, they both remind each other of it from time to time, and now that Jamie can sit back and look at the first half of the season he truly believes they’re doing it.

They can’t go anywhere for Christmas so Jamie and Jordie have Tyler over. They cook a turkey and pick it clean and go through as many video game tournaments as they possibly can together. Tyler wrestles with Marshall when it’s not his turn to play and then attempts to wrestle whoever he doesn’t want to win as a distraction, and Jamie laments that both Tyler and Jordie pick on him the most, hell-bent on making sure he loses – luckily it’s not too difficult to fight Tyler off since he’s got the size advantage. They buy toys for Marshall and exchange lame joke gifts with each other and it actually feels like a family celebration.

They close off 2013 with a win and the team goes out drinking together to celebrate at midnight. They’re making a toast at the table, and as the guys finish up clanging their glasses together, Jamie takes a quick sip and turns to Tyler, holding his glass up once more. He’s already pleasantly buzzed and he doesn’t think it’s too forward of him to be admitting this now, even with the roster reveal not happening for another week.

“To proving them wrong,” he says happily, and he’s sure he’s probably got the dumbest grin on his face but he decidedly doesn’t care.

Tyler breaks into his usual wide grin, showing all his teeth, and clangs his glass against Jamie’s. “You bet!” Then he downs his drink in a single swig and lets out a triumphant whoop, causing some of the guys nearby to wince and punch him in the shoulder.

Jamie’s shaking his head at him, but then he, too, downs the rest of his drink. For once, he lets the happiness and excitement flow through him, and he lets Tyler buy him more to drink and doesn’t even fight him off when Tyler decides he wants to take turns cuddling up to each and every one of his teammates, Jamie included. He’s not sure if it’s the proximity to the team or the alcohol that’s got him feeling warm and fuzzy all over, but whatever it is, he’s happy, and he couldn’t have asked to ring in the new year any other way.

~o~

The new year is nothing but a fucking stumble. They drop their first six games in a row and it’s absolutely gutting. Jamie and Tyler struggle to get on the board after the first one; some games Jamie feels like he’s so close to being able to make something happen, and other games he just feels useless and lost. It’s not how a captain’s supposed to feel, and Jamie tries to keep the guys motivated, but the pressure weighs down on him and he feels sluggish on the ice and he wishes he could be a better example.

They’re on the road in the middle of the slump when Jamie gets the call that he’s been named to Team Canada, and he’s absolutely floored, barely registering the words and stumbling through an appropriate thank you response. The time spent between the phone call and the official public announcement feels like a dream, Jamie’s so dazed with it, and he can’t even think through the fog of disbelief to manage a witty retort when the guys chirp him for being so nervous. The team gathers in front of a television for the official broadcast, and when Jamie’s name is called, Tyler whoops and hollers, slapping Jamie across the back more than is necessary and giving him a stupid hug saying, “Told you we’d prove them wrong!” It’s embarrassing as hell in front of the rest of the guys but Jamie doesn’t actually try to shake him off. He accepts the praise and congratulations from the boys with his most reserved smile while he tries to beat down the excitement bubbling in his chest that this is real, this actually happened, he’s an _Olympian_.

He appreciates that everyone’s happy for him, but looking around the room makes the guilt well up in his gut. The Olympics are a little over a month away and the Stars are slumping _now_. He can’t allow himself to be as happy as he wants, not when he needs to think about his team. Instead, he throws himself wholeheartedly into practice before their game in New Jersey, all ferocity and business, hoping that will inspire the guys to do the same and ignoring the weird looks Tyler gives him.

Jamie’s just gotten off the phone with his sister that evening when Tyler knocks on his door. Jamie lets him into the room and Tyler flops onto the spare bed immediately, kicking his legs in the air when he lets himself fall face first into the pillow, like a kid.

Jamie rolls his eyes. “What do you want?” he asks finally. He’s so used to letting Tyler into his hotel room without question, but they don’t actually have any video to go over tonight and most of the team went out for drinks – Jamie had begged off so he could talk to his family – so seeing Tyler here is strange. “Thought you’d be with the guys.”

Tyler looks up from the pillow and shrugs. “Eh, didn’t feel like it in the end,” he says. He eyes Jamie strangely. “Dude, why aren’t you smiling? You just made the fucking _Olympics_.”

Jamie sighs and looks down at his phone. He wants to be happy about it, wishes he could smile as wide as Tyler does, but he feels trapped. “I am happy,” he answers finally. “I’m really happy. It’s just…the team comes first right now. We’re losing, and we have to find a way to turn this around.”

Tyler looks at him in disbelief. “Jamie,” he exhales, and it’s the most exasperated Jamie’s ever heard him. “You. Made. The Olympics. You should be fucking proud of that.”

“I am,” Jamie starts to argue, but Tyler cuts him off.

“You’ve got to _show_ it, man. You need to stop and take a minute and think about yourself for once. The team will be fine. Heck, maybe lightening up a bit is what we need. Ever think of that?”

Jamie hasn’t. Sure, he loves hockey and it’s fun, especially when they’re winning, but he’s always taken the game so seriously. It’s the only way he knows to give it all of his focus. He’s never thought there could be any other way to do it. Then again, Tyler’s amazing, and his mentality can be the complete opposite of Jamie’s sometimes. He can’t deny that it works for the kid.

“Yeah,” he says finally. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Tyler grins so big that Jamie can’t help himself; he smiles too and Tyler nods his approval before leaping off his bed and landing into Jamie’s, half crashing into him. Jamie groans in discomfort, rolls his eyes and pushes him off, but he can’t seem to stop smiling now that he’s started.

“Okay good, movie time.”

They set the iPad up leaning against the headboard and watch the movie lying on their stomachs, each propping their arms and heads on a pillow, because Tyler doesn’t want to sit up. Jamie chirps him for it but gives in anyways. The movie is dumb and Jamie can’t help but chuckle at all the stupid jokes. Tyler’s shoulders shake next to him, and Jamie thinks his smile is probably just as lame.

Halfway through the movie, Jamie’s laughing at another stupid joke when he notices that Tyler’s not moving. Their bodies are so close on the bed that Jamie can always feel it when Tyler’s laughing, but he hasn’t budged in a while now. Jamie glances over and sees that Tyler’s eyes are closed and his breathing is light and even. His mouth hangs slightly open and his cheek is crushed against one arm that’s folded across the pillow. He looks so peaceful like this that Jamie doesn’t want to wake him and besides, the bed is nice and warm now and Jamie feels like sleep could come to him easily as well. Careful not to make the bed shift too much, he stops the movie and gently deposits the iPad on the floor next to him, since Tyler’s on the side of the night table.

Everything is warm and cozy around him. Jamie turns his head away and lets himself sink into the mattress, and it’s not long before he’s asleep too.

The next morning, Jamie wakes up to see Tyler sprawled in the other bed, one tattooed arm sticking out from beneath the covers and dangling off the edge. He must have woken up in the middle of the night and moved. Jamie groggily wonders why, but once he’s more awake he doesn’t think about it and when Tyler wakes up as well neither of them mention anything so they go about their business as usual and nothing’s changed.

It takes a while longer for the team to pull things together again, but once they do their luck turns around. They have an amazing two and a half weeks leading up to the Olympics, winning six out of nine games and only losing once in regulation. Jamie and Tyler are playing really great hockey again, the team rallies behind them like Jamie knew they would, and he’s actually letting himself get more and more excited about the Olympics by the day. He often finds himself lost in thought, immersed in visions of himself wearing the maple leaf on his chest, gliding across international ice. Sometimes, the image changes, and he’s back in a sea of victory green, leading his team through the playoff push. They’re in a good spot now and Jamie truly believes that this will be the year they turn things around.

The night before Jamie leaves is the same night before Tyler’s leaving for Mexico; he hasn’t stopped talking about his vacation plans and Jordie is quite vocal about his disinterest, but this time Tyler goes straight to his apartment after their game, electing not to hang out with the brothers. He insists he still has a lot of packing to do and it’s probably for the best if he doesn’t keep Jamie up anyways.

“Bring back the gold!” he calls as the elevator doors close behind him. “Go Canada!”

“Don’t have too much fun in Mexico,” Jamie responds with a faint smile, and then the doors are shut and Tyler’s laugh is echoing on the other side and they’re moving up again and it’s the last time he’ll see his linemate for two weeks.

Jamie’s a little surprised at how that thought makes him feel. Soon he’ll be paired up with two new guys he’s never played with before, only against, and it’s a weird feeling to think about. At this point, he has no idea who he’ll be paired with, or what line he’ll be on. The team is stacked with superstars so he knows he probably won’t even crack the second line, but it really makes him wonder. Honestly, he’s a little nervous. What if he doesn’t have the same chemistry with his new linemates as he has with Tyler? What if they don’t get along as well? Are they going to be able to adjust to each other in such a short amount of time? Worst of all, what if he’s a scratch?

At the same time, though, he’s excited. This is a team that’s been put together with all of the best players across the NHL, and he’s actually considered to be one of them. It’s amazing and Jamie knows that with this much talent in one place, they’ll be bound for greatness.

The anticipation is so heavy that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sleep much, but he tries his best anyways and manages to get a solid few hours in. Jordie brings him to the airport early the next morning, wrapping him in a tight hug before Jamie’s off through security.

He’s a bundle of nerves underneath the usual calm exterior but all that changes the moment he lands with the rest of the team. The guys click together instantly; all rivalries from the regular season are forgotten and it’s as if enemies become best friends in a matter of minutes. Jamie can still hardly believe he’s about to play with the best this country has to offer – that he’s one of them – and he can’t wait to get started. Just as in Dallas, the guys catch on quick to Jamie’s little quirks, like the media shyness and the serious faces, and they certainly rib him for it but it’s all in good fun and Jamie’s both surprised and relieved at how comfortable and easy it is.

He gets put on the third line with Perry and Getzlaf and Jamie admittedly has his reservations – those two play together all the time, they already have great chemistry so he’s worried about how he’ll fit in – but somehow everything clicks and comes together more quickly than he’d thought possible. Sure, it’s not perfect, but they’re working hard to find each other out there and make things happen. It’s nothing like playing with Tyler but it’s still amazing in its own right.

Jamie scores the game winner against Norway and they only get better from there. When he scores the only goal of the game in the semifinals against the USA, Jamie is overwhelmed with it all. It’s like everything he’d been working towards all season was all leading up to this moment. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so validated in his entire life, and he rejoices that he’s done it, he’s really done it, he’s proven them wrong.

The team goes out for celebratory drinks afterwards and Jamie accidentally forgets his phone at the hotel. He checks it when he gets back and finds himself with dozens of missed calls and text messages. He tries to listen to all the voicemails, but he’s pretty buzzed from the win and the drinks the guys got for him so he’s not really paying attention to what everyone is saying – until he gets to the message from the one person he’d wanted to hear from the most.

“Holy shit, Jamie, that was awesome!” Tyler’s unmistakeable giddy voice blares through the phone, and Jamie instantly sits up straighter from where he was hunched over on the bed. Tyler rants and raves about what a beautiful goal that was and that he has the best linemate ever and that he’d better bring back the gold at this point and Jamie’s flushed and grinning stupidly through it all – until Tyler jokes, “but try not to have too much fun with those guys, cause one more game and then you’re stuck back with little old me,” and Jamie’s heart plummets.

No, no, no, he thinks in horror, Tyler’s got it all wrong. He calls him back instantly, but he forgets about the time difference and ends up getting Tyler’s voicemail. When he hears the beep, he hurries through a thank you for the message before insisting, “and don’t say stupid shit like that, you’re the real reason I made it here in the first place and these guys are great but it’s nothing compared to playing with you, this would’ve been even better if you were here cause you’re the best I’ve ever played with, okay?”

He realizes as he’s hanging up that it’s probably the cheesiest thing he’s ever said, but he’s too buzzed and elated to care. He gets through the rest of the messages and only replies to the ones from his family, at which point the alcohol and exhaustion from the game and all its emotions finally gets to him, and he collapses on the bed and sleeps like a baby.

They go on to win the gold medal and Jamie was wrong to think scoring the game-winner against USA was his big moment. He doesn’t score in this game but it’s the best team effort they’ve put together all tournament and everyone’s screaming and hugging and the cool arena air is so thick with emotion that Jamie can barely breathe. The crowd’s support is incredible, and Jamie knows that somewhere across the globe all of his family and friends are watching and cheering for him too, and his heart feels fit to burst at the thought of it. He’s so happy, so grateful to have been a part of this team and to be able to bring the gold back to Canada once more. He’s mostly caught up in the heat of the moment, but somewhere in the back of his mind is the spark of hope that he’ll be able to do this again in four years, and that next time, Tyler will be right there with him.

The remaining hours in Sochi pass by like a giant blur and before he knows it, the guys are all trading hugs at the hotel and the airport and they’re off to return to their respective teams. Jamie only realizes how exhausted he is once he’s alone on his flight back to Dallas, and staying awake becomes the biggest chore. Tyler accompanies Jordie to greet him when he lands, both giving him huge hugs when he walks through the arrivals, and then they force Jamie into the backseat with Tyler, leaving the passenger seat empty. Jamie groggily questions this, to which Jordie answers from behind the wheel, “You need to stay awake as long as possible, Chubbs, so Segs is gonna keep you alert.”

Jamie can barely stand back at the apartment and Jordie fixes him a meal while he sprawls on the couch. The jetlag is insane but Tyler and Jordie manage to keep him awake by asking him all sorts of questions about the Olympic experience and just being their general obnoxious selves. Tyler is the worst, climbing up onto the couch next to Jamie in a massive invasion of space, cuddling against him and poking him and elbowing him in the ribs and messing his hair and just generally being a nuisance to get a reaction out of Jamie. It’s only partially effective; Tyler is so comfortable and warm against him that it makes it even harder to not fall asleep. He has to shift his legs a little when Tyler’s practically sitting on his lap at one point, but there’s a pleasant heat settling over him and he just wants to indulge in in, let it fill him all the way through to his fingertips and toes.

When Jordie finally decides it’s late enough that Jamie can actually go to sleep, he brings Jamie a sleeping pill and a glass of water (“This way your internal clock won’t wake you up at 3am,” he explains) and Jamie actually needs to lean on him for support to get from the couch to his bedroom. He’s so exhausted and everything is fuzzy around him, and he’s just so happy and overwhelmed with emotion. He thinks he could just fall asleep on the couch and that would be fine, what with Tyler being so nice and warm next to him, even though Jordie won’t let him, but he’s also happy to be back cause he can’t wait to get back on the ice with the Stars again – with Tyler again – and he’s mumbling incoherently and he might be voicing some of those thoughts out loud but nothing’s really making sense right now anyways. He feels Jordie shove him gently onto his bed and there’s a moment when he registers the familiar soft-but-firm feel of his mattress before everything goes dark and he conks the fuck out.

It’s good to be home.

~o~

They kick off the end of the Olympic break with a three-game homestand and Jamie gets a goal and two assists in his first game back. It’s great, and the whole team seems energized by it, rallying behind their gold-medal-winning captain and bronze medalist goalie, and Jamie’s never felt better. He’s got a newfound confidence from the Olympics, and he can’t wait to use it to lead his team through the playoff push. He knows what those big do-or-die games really mean now, and he knows how it feels to win them. This is something he’s never had before and now that he’s had a taste of it, he only wants more.

It’s amazing except for one thing: Tyler’s being weird. There’s nothing out of the ordinary at the arena or on the ice; Tyler’s sunny and loud as always and they’re still playing great together, but something seems off in the evenings after their games when they sit together on Jamie’s couch to go over their shifts. Jordie would usually hang around watching Netflix to drown them out, but the past couple of games he’s decided to let them be and gone to his room instead. It’s in those moments that Jamie realizes that Tyler seems almost fidgety somehow, like he wants to say something but doesn’t, and Jamie wants to ask him about it but he doesn’t know what to say or how. Then again, he doesn’t even know if there’s even an actual problem to begin with, because he’ll blink and Tyler will say something silly and everything seems completely normal and he wonders if he’s just imagining things.

They beat Buffalo at home to close out their homestand and they’re on a plane to Columbus that same night since they don’t have a day off between the games. Jamie and Tyler use the opportunity to go over their shifts during the flight instead, but Tyler stops by Jamie’s hotel room that night anyways.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jamie asks as he lets Tyler in.

Tyler shifts his hands in his pockets. “Can we go over the first period power plays again?” he asks, almost timidly, and Jamie frowns because now he knows for sure something’s up.

“Uh, sure? What else did you want to look at?” They’d already talked about it on the plane and Jamie had been pretty thorough so he’s not sure what’s gotten into Tyler, but he would never refuse him; he’s already seated on the edge of the bed and pulling up his iPad anyways.

Jamie feels the bed sag when Tyler sits next to him. He’s about to press play when he hears Tyler sigh heavily. He looks at him, alarmed. Tyler’s fidgeting visibly, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

“Tyler, what’s –”

“Did you mean all those things you said?” Tyler blurts out. The words come out rushed, but Jamie understands them anyways – only he doesn’t understand.

“What?”

“The Olympics,” Tyler says. “The night you got back.”

Jamie’s not following. “What about the Olympics?” he asks.

“That voicemail you left me.”

Jamie racks his brain, but he can’t remember. He recalls listening to a bunch of voicemails, but he can’t remember for the life of him who said what, or what was even said at all past the standard praises and congratulations. If he’s being honest with himself here, he’d been pretty drunk that night, drunker than he’d usually get with a big game coming up. It takes some time, but then he vaguely remembers receiving a voicemail from Tyler and calling him back right away, but he doesn’t know what he actually said. Still, the fact that Tyler’s bringing it up like this, the way he’s staring into Jamie’s eyes as he waits for an answer, it scares him somehow, gives him the feeling that he’s done something horribly wrong.

“What did I say?” he asks, and he’s startled when his voice comes out shaky and small.

“Here, listen.” Tyler pulls out his phone and dials his voicemail. Jamie waits silently, but he’s on edge now, struggling to keep his breathing even through the thick tension settling over the room. When Tyler finds the message he wants, he holds the phone to Jamie’s ear and Jamie takes it from him.

The voicemail plays and Jamie’s first thought is how embarrassing his voice sounds when he’s drunk. He’s thanking Tyler for his message, okay, so that’s pretty standard, but everything freezes when he hears what he says next. He nearly drops the phone, so he’s probably gripping it too hard once the message ends and he finally passes it back to Tyler. He can feel himself blushing hard. Everything he’d said was true, but it still sounds ridiculously corny.

“I, uh,” he stammers out finally, looking away when he can’t stand Tyler’s gaze any longer. “Yeah. I-I meant it. I guess it came out pretty bad, but.”

“And what about the night you came back?” he hears Tyler ask. His voice is mostly calm and quiet, but there’s an edge of something Jamie can’t quite place, and it makes him nervous.

“What do you mean?” Jamie feels lost. Tyler’s remembering things about him that he himself can’t even recall and it’s terrifying.

“You said you wanted to sleep with me on the couch.”

Jamie’s insides turn to ice. He glances back up again, his eyes wide. “I what?” His voice comes out hoarse and breathy.

Tyler’s staring him right in the eyes again and Jamie feels trapped, like Tyler can see right through him. “When Jordie helped you up to get to bed, you said you wanted to stay there with me,” he explains, his features soft, his tone oddly gentle now. “Is that true?”

Jamie’s breath hitches and his heart hammers painfully in his chest. The memory of sprawling on the couch with Tyler that night comes flooding back to him, the warmth he’d felt while Tyler and Jordie tried to keep him awake, the way it was so comfortable having Tyler up in his space, and the panic sets in. He doesn’t know why he would have said something like that, but he also knows that it’s true, and that just might be what’s so scary about it all.

“It’s,” he starts, but he can’t seem to string words together to form a sentence. “I. Tyler.”

Tyler’s still staring at him and Jamie can’t look into his eyes any longer, instead watching the way Tyler’s biting his lip, the way his tongue darts out briefly to wet them. Jamie’s breathing hard now and there’s a strange new feeling mottled up in his chest and he doesn’t understand what any of this means, and he thinks he might – he wants –

Tyler kisses him.

Jamie’s brain short-circuits and he kisses back instinctively, instantly pressing his lips more firmly against Tyler’s. Tyler fists his hands into Jamie’s shirt, holding him close. His lips are soft and warm, stubble scratching gently against his chin as Jamie angles himself to feel more, to taste more. His body is moving of its own accord, pushing against Tyler to deepen the kiss, and heat is coursing through his body and his pants are suddenly too tight and then Tyler’s trying to pry his mouth open with his tongue and –

Jamie jerks backwards with a jolt, breaking the kiss, and they stare at each other for a moment, breathing heavily. Tyler’s let go of Jamie’s shirt and his eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open, lips red and a flush building in his cheeks, and Jamie’s sure he’s doing the same. His hands are shaking where he’s still gripping the iPad, clutching perhaps too tightly as he tries to process what just happened. He’s already hard beneath his jeans and that’s definitely arousal curling low in his belly, hit him like a punch to the gut when Tyler kissed him but that’s – he hasn’t felt anything like that in ages, but it’s an unmistakeable feeling all the same.

“Um,” he says, stupidly.

Tyler’s staring at him awestruck, and when he speaks, his voice is uncharacteristically small. “Did you feel – does this mean anything?”

Jamie’s lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. He still doesn’t really understand what’s going on here, but he knows that he cares about Tyler a lot, has cared about him like this for a while actually, and that kissing Tyler just now set off a spark he’d forgotten about years ago.

He wants to feel it more.

In answer, he gently places the iPad on the carpet next to his feet and reaches a hand to curl gently around Tyler’s nape and pull him in for another kiss, because this is easier than words right now, and Tyler hums in response. Jamie kisses everywhere across Tyler’s mouth, each brush of their lips making him shiver, and he doesn’t pull back when Tyler opens his mouth with his tongue, flicking in and out and making Jamie groan before reciprocating.

They break apart for a moment and Tyler uses the opportunity to clamber into Jamie’s lap, flushed and grinning and straddling his thighs, and Jamie grabs at his waist to pull him in closer, covering his mouth in messy kisses. Jamie actually whimpers when the kiss deepens and Tyler grinds down hard against him, shooting sparks through his groin and everywhere else.

“Like that?” Tyler breathes, smiling against his mouth. He does it again and Jamie gasps, hips bucking upwards involuntarily. Tyler lets out a breathy laugh before he leans in to bite at Jamie’s lower lip, hands carding through Jamie’s hair and brushing it out of his face, tugging it back to angle Jamie’s head however he wants it.

Jamie’s head is spinning. He’s so lost in the sensation of it all that he barely registers his own actions, the sounds he makes when Tyler grinds into him again and again.

“Tyler, Tyler, oh fuck, oh god, Tyler wait, please.”

And just like that, Tyler stops, leaning back and staring at Jamie, his brow furrowed slightly in concern. Even while flushed and panting, he searches Jamie’s face. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Is something – do you have a problem with –?”

Jamie’s hands are shaking where he’s gripping Tyler’s waist and he struggles to catch his breath. Meeting Tyler’s gaze, he notices how huge his pupils are, realizes _he_ made Tyler get that way, which sets off another wave of arousal through him. He can feel himself straining against the tight constricts of his jeans, and when he glances over at Tyler, there’s a similar lump in his pants. It triggers another jolt to his groin, but also a jumble of confused emotions he doesn’t know how to handle. He exhales shakily, trying to steady his breathing.

“Is this too much?” Tyler is visibly worried now. “Do you want to stop?”

“No!” Jamie cries instantly. He swallows, blinking hard, trying to organize his thoughts. “No, no, it’s just.” He takes a few shaky breaths. “I don’t know what I’m –” He stops, unable to finish that train of thought.

He knows that he’s aroused right now, like he hasn’t been in years, but he doesn’t know how this happened. He knows it means he cares enough about Tyler to want him in that way, but he doesn’t know when this started. He knows that the last time this happened he was a teenager, but he doesn’t remember enough of it anymore to know what to do next. He didn’t know this could happen with another man. He doesn’t know how to do this with another man. There’s so much he doesn’t know right now that it’s overwhelming, and he’s pretty sure it’s written clear as day across his face as he stares at Tyler, pleading with his eyes, lost.

Tyler’s eyes widen for a moment, but then he leans in and presses a sweet kiss to Jamie’s forehead, making him feel warm and tingly all over as a wave of affection washes over him. “Okay,” he says soothingly, “it’s okay.” He’s smiling gently when he pulls back, and Jamie can’t help but smile too. The air around them, thick with tension moments ago, is suddenly calm again. Tyler’s looking at him in such a way that Jamie can’t help but feel safe, like he can trust Tyler to navigate them through this, to make them both happy. Then Tyler backs off of him completely, standing by the edge of the bed, and Jamie’s about to reach for him but stops, unsure of what’s going to happen next.

“Okay, so, first things first,” Tyler says matter-of-factly. “I don’t know about you, but I need to get out of these pants.”

A ridiculous peal of laughter escapes Jamie’s lips, and he has to clamp a hand over his mouth to shut himself up. The endearing way Tyler looks at him at that is enough to make his heart melt. “Yeah,” he says when he’s calmed himself down. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Jamie stands as well and turns his back to Tyler when he pulls down his pants, kicking his feet out of the jeans before proceeding to take his shirt off. He kicks his discarded clothing against the wall and out of the way. His boxers are grossly tented at the front and there’s a big damp spot from where he’s been leaking, but he hesitates with his hands around the waistband and instead turns around to look at Tyler just in time to see him yank his boxers down with one smooth motion, his cock rising up against his stomach. Jamie’s breath hitches at the sight of it.

Tyler catches him staring and _grins_. “This is okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Jamie rasps, nodding faintly. His hands are still frozen at his waist. Tyler notices this and steps forward, cupping his hands over Jamie’s.

“Here, let me,” Tyler says, gently stroking Jamie’s hands until he eases up and releases his grip. Tyler gently tugs down on the waistband, freeing Jamie’s cock and smearing precome all over his belly. “Fuck, Jamie.” Jamie swallows hard and his cock twitches as Tyler stares down at him hungrily. He’s thicker than Tyler, he knows this – it’s not like they haven’t seen each other in the showers before, when it never meant anything – but he doesn’t know how to process the way Tyler’s looking at him right now.

In all his time in the NHL, Jamie’s never hooked up. It was too uncomfortable, and the mere thought of having sex with someone he didn’t care for made him sick to his stomach. Of course, he still had to deal with the typical male needs, so he would jerk himself off at home in the shower from time to time when the itch needed to be scratched, but that’s all it was – a chore that needed taking care of.

Now, though, Tyler’s naked in front of Jamie and Jamie’s naked in front of him and Jamie knows he’s felt this way before, back when he was a teenager in love, but he can’t remember ever feeling it this strongly – heck, he didn’t know that he _could_. The fact that he’s leaking all over his stomach and the arousal has him shivering all over is a pretty good indication right now, but Jamie still doesn’t know how to handle it.

He’s spared the trouble of figuring that out for the moment when Tyler pushes up against him for another kiss, grinding forward and rubbing their cocks together. Jamie jerks and he feels Tyler shudder against him as well. Jamie rolls his hips in response and it’s like fire’s shooting through his nerves, starting from his groin and spreading to the tips of his fingers where they’re pressing into Tyler’s waist.

He stumbles forward and the backs of Tyler’s legs hit the bed. Tyler lets himself fall, pulling Jamie with him, and they crash together onto the mattress, Jamie sprawled on top of Tyler. When Tyler winces underneath him from the pressure, Jamie holds himself up on his hands and knees to give him space. Tyler props himself up on his elbows and crawls backwards a little until his legs are fully on the bed, but stops and lets out a small gasp when he sees Jamie perched over him.

“You look good like this,” he says, eyebrows raised like a tease, but his eyes darken and his tongue flicks out to wet his lips.

Tyler looks good like this too, Jamie thinks, but he can’t seem to find the words for anything right now. Vaguely, he thinks that this is something he definitely wants, but he doesn’t really know what _this_ is. That he and Tyler are actually doing this, that he’s actually feeling this way towards him, is already overwhelming enough as it is. His brain is short-circuiting too much for logical thought tonight. Instead, he hovers over Tyler’s body, frozen in place.

Tyler seems to realize what’s going on. “What do you want?” he asks softly.

“I – I don’t know,” Jamie answers honestly. He wants Tyler, somehow, but past that everything is a blur of confusion and arousal and emotion and it’s all mixed together into something so intangible that it feels like he’s grasping at air.

“You can touch me, you know,” Tyler tells him. “Anywhere you want.”

Jamie thinks he might be losing himself. He’s so hard that it hurts, so turned on, and yet there’s still the tiny sliver of something that’s holding him back, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to focus on what Tyler’s saying to him, tries to follow his lead and hope for the best.

He reaches tentatively with one hand, cupping Tyler’s cheek, feeling the stubble scrape against his palm as he moves downwards, gliding his hand firmly down Tyler’s abs, which flex and clench beneath his touch, before finally ghosting it over the length of Tyler’s cock and resting it back against his abs once more. Tyler lets out a low moan at the touch. Slowly, Jamie goes through the motions again, pressing down harder when Tyler gets louder.

“Is this what you – what do you want?” Jamie asks.

“Your hands are so big and strong,” Tyler breathes, tilting his head back. “Been thinking about them for ages. I want them all over me.”

Jamie groans loudly, cock twitching, and his nerves are on fire but he can’t seem to move again.

“Jamie, please,” Tyler whines suddenly, bucking his hips slightly. “Anything, you can do anything, do whatever you want to me, I don’t care, as long as it’s you.” He looks straight into Jamie’s eyes again and his expression is manic, nothing but want, and Jamie shudders. “Jamie. _Please_.”

That last word is filled with so much desire that Jamie lets out a growl in spite of himself, and something inside of him snaps. His body moves of its own accord, pinning Tyler’s arms to the mattress and kissing him ferociously, fucking into his mouth with his tongue and biting his lips so hard that Tyler whimpers underneath him.

He keeps going, keeps kissing and biting Tyler everywhere, all the way down his chest, across his neck, his collarbone, his nipples, his belly button, anywhere he possibly can. Tyler trembles and moans beneath him, and Jamie can’t stop – won’t stop, not when Tyler’s keening like he is and every touch of their skin has Jamie burning with it. He releases his grip on one of Tyler’s arms in order to stroke up and down his chest while he kisses him, occasionally stopping to rub over his nipples, swallowing the filthy noises Tyler makes when he does.

Jamie’s lost all track of time and what he’s doing when Tyler finally wrenches his face away from Jamie’s mouth, gasping into his neck instead. His hips have been bucking slightly for a while now, but Jamie’s too far out of his reach for him to be able to really do anything. Jamie looks down and sees Tyler hard and leaking just as much as he is.

“God, Jamie, you gotta touch me, I’m so close,” Tyler pants.

He’s so caught up in it all that it takes him a moment to register what Tyler’s saying, what he’s asking for, and to realize that this is something he’s never done for anyone but himself. For a moment he’s nervous, but Jamie tells himself that it can’t be any different, doing it for someone else, and that Tyler will love having Jamie’s hands there, like he said he wanted, and Jamie shivers with the thought. The time for panic is long gone, and by now Jamie’s half out of his mind with want.

He reaches down and curls his hand around Tyler’s cock, dimly noting how nicely it fits in his hand, how he can smother it the way he likes. When he starts with a few gentle strokes, Tyler moans into his neck and bucks his hips violently, so Jamie jacks him off harder and faster, leaning back in to bite the skin between his neck and shoulder while Tyler thrusts into his fist.

It’s not long before Tyler cries out, “Jamie, fuck, I’m gonna –” and then his entire body seizes up and his back arches off the bed and he’s coming in spurts all over Jamie’s hand and his own stomach. Jamie loosens his grip, stroking him gently through it as Tyler whines and spasms beneath him. When his body finally sags into the mattress, Jamie releases him and leans back, staring in wonder at the mess Tyler made all over his abs, blood rushing to his head and other notable places.

Oh, god, he’s so hard.

Tyler cranes his neck to look at him with half-lidded eyes, and then he’s swiping his hand across the mess on his stomach and reaching out to take a hold of Jamie’s cock and Jamie fucking wails for him. He’s been so close this entire time, leaking like crazy all over himself and Tyler, and the extra heat of Tyler’s hand and the slick of Tyler’s own come is all it takes to send him over the edge. It’s only two strokes and then he’s seeing stars as his orgasm hits him like a truck, body going completely rigid as he comes all over Tyler’s hand and stomach, adding to the mess that he’s already made of himself.

When the aftershocks settle and he’s done trembling, Jamie collapses sideways next to Tyler on the bed, panting loudly. The world spins dangerously around him as he tries to calm down and catch his breath, so he squeezes his eyes shut for a few moments.

The tension in his brow dissipates when he feels Tyler’s lips press against it. “You okay?”

Jamie lets out a grunt in response before managing, “Gimme a minute.” Tyler chuckles softly. “You?”

“I think I need a minute too.”

They lie there in silence for a while. Jamie’s mind feels hazy and sluggish; it’s hard to even process what just happened, let alone think past it. Instead, he lets his mind go blank for a while, content to feel Tyler warm and safe next to him as his heart rate slowly returns to normal.

When his eyes snap open what seems like only a few seconds later, Tyler’s conked out next to him and the clock tells him that a whole half hour has passed. “Shit,” he hisses, more to himself than anything else. He nudges Tyler gently in the shoulder. “Tyler, hey, wake up. We have to clean up.”

“Mmm,” Tyler answers groggily, but he doesn’t open his eyes.

Jamie nudges him a little harder and then rolls out of the bed without him, heading to the bathroom to wash his hands and to fetch a damp washcloth. Tyler is slowly blinking awake when he returns, but he still hasn’t moved. Jamie rolls his eyes and swipes the washcloth over Tyler’s stomach, causing him to spasm in surprise. Once Tyler sits up, Jamie lets him take over, leaving the bed to grab a pair of clean boxers from his carry-on. He lets Tyler borrow another pair – it’s far too late for him to go back to his own room now – even though they’re too big and ride low on his hips, looking like they’re about to fall off at any moment. Jamie feels another jolt when he realizes he likes that look on Tyler, likes that he can see his hipbones, that Tyler’s all wrapped up in _his_ clothing. It’s a strange, proprietary feeling that he thinks should probably be setting off panic alarms if it weren’t for the lingering afterglow.

Once that’s all taken care of, Jamie sits back down on the bed next to Tyler. There’s so much he wants to say to him right now, but he still doesn’t feel very functional. “We should get some sleep for now,” he decides.

Tyler looks at him hesitatingly. His eyes are wide and innocent, and Jamie once again realizes how young he looks. “Is it okay if I…can I sleep in the bed with you?” he asks softly.

Jamie indulges himself, kissing Tyler softly on the mouth in response and then lowering them both gently onto the mattress. Tyler smiles into the kiss and they break apart to get themselves under the blankets. Once they’ve settled, Tyler cuddles up against Jamie and Jamie wraps his arms around him, holding their bodies close. It feels right like this, comfortable and warm and safe.

“I’ve been wanting to sleep with you like this for so long,” Tyler murmurs, sighing happily.

Jamie thinks back a little, and blinks in surprise when he realizes.

“Me too,” he admits slowly, in awe of himself. “Since that night after I made the Olympics.”

All this time, he thinks wonderingly. His friendship with Tyler had developed so naturally that Jamie can’t pinpoint any moment where it had started to turn into something different, but now he’s left dimly wondering how he didn’t realize it sooner.

Still, that’s for a conversation they need to have tomorrow, once they’re both alert enough to have it.

“I like you a lot,” Tyler mumbles sleepily.

“Me too,” Jamie tells him softly. “Come on, go to sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Tyler nods and sinks his body into Jamie’s, and Jamie’s grip tightens around him protectively. He knows things will be frighteningly different tomorrow, but for now, this is all he needs.

~o~

Jamie wakes up before his alarm on his back the next morning to a heavy weight on his chest. Blinking sleepily, he cranes his neck and sees Tyler’s head resting against his sternum, an arm splayed across his torso and his body pressed tightly against Jamie’s. Tyler’s body is warm everywhere they’re touching, and Jamie twists himself a little to run his fingers through Tyler’s hair. Tyler hums softly at the touch but doesn’t stir.

Now that he’s feeling much more awake and alert, Jamie can think properly on what happened last night. The sensations and emotions stand out vividly in his mind so much that his chest tightens with the memory of it. He still can’t believe this happened, that his feelings for Tyler could be the way they were – the way they _are_. He hadn’t even realized how attached he’d grown to Tyler over the course of the season so far, how much he cared for him, but in hindsight, now that he can think back on it, it’s pretty fucking obvious. Now, with the sexual attraction in the mix, Jamie feels like he’s about to tread on eggshells. This is the first time since breaking into the NHL that he has to deal with it, and he’s not sure he knows how.

He’s spared the rise of panic when his phone alarm buzzes and wails throughout the room. He jolts, and he feels Tyler jerk violently on top of him. Jamie scrambles to reach for it across the night table to shut it off, but Tyler’s body is in the way and he has to push him more than he means to. He finally shuts it up, and the room lapses back into silence, disrupted only by their erratic breathing.

Tyler’s still clinging to Jamie, his eyes squeezed shut as if in pain, and Jamie’s heart sinks. “Sorry, sorry,” he murmurs over and over again, leaning to kiss the top of Tyler’s head in apology. He returns to petting through Tyler’s hair, gently soothing him awake. “We have to get up, though. We have a game today, yeah?”

“Mmm,” Tyler says, voice muffled in Jamie’s chest and blinking his eyes open slowly. Jamie can’t help himself; he kisses him some more, gently gripping him by the waist to pull him up so he can reach his mouth. He hums appreciatively when Tyler starts kissing back.

They trade languid kisses on the bed like that for a few more minutes, sweet and slow and lazy, but Jamie pulls away when he realizes he’s half hard. He hadn’t meant for that to happen again. Tyler looks at him inquisitively, eyes large and innocent, and Jamie shakes his head. “We have to get up,” he repeats, more as a reminder to himself than to Tyler at this point anyways. He wonders how he never noticed how lovely Tyler’s eyes were. Probably cause he was always so focused on that stupid wide smile, which. Well. It’s pretty attractive too, he thinks.

“How much time do we have?” Tyler asks, sitting up to swing his legs over the side of the bed.

Jamie sighs. “Not much,” he replies. He sits up as well lets out another heavy exhale, cross-legged on the bed, facing Tyler’s side. “You should probably go and get ready.” He opens his mouth to keep speaking, thinking about how they still need to have a talk about this, but his throat constricts miserably.

Tyler pats his thigh companionably, understanding. “It’s okay,” he assures him. “We’ll find time to talk at the rink. Promise.”

He stands up to leave and Jamie almost whimpers pathetically at the shift in the bed. He knows Tyler is sincere about having that talk, though, and for now, he’ll take any reassurance he can get. Still, his heart aches something awful when Tyler closes the door behind him.

The fact that there’s a game to get ready for is what saves Jamie for those few hours before he and Tyler get some time alone. Hockey is something he knows how to throw all his focus into. He can shut everything else out and let it become his entire purpose. It’s easy and effective, and he goes through all the normal motions greeting the team at breakfast and talking to the coaches and ensuring he’s good to go at the morning skate like nothing out of the ordinary ever happened the night before. The only indication is that Lindy notices Jamie seems a little tired (“Didn’t sleep as much as I could have,” Jamie lies easily; usually he can’t tell a lie to save his life but this one is technically true anyways, even though he slept through the entire night without waking up once holding Tyler in his arms), but it doesn’t seem to be affecting his skate so no one makes a big deal out of it.

They have some free time a few hours before the game so Jamie and Tyler go to sit together in the visitor’s bench, bundled up in sweaters to protect their muscles from the cold arena air. They sit so close their shoulders are practically touching as they stare out at the rink in front of them, and now that they’re here together with no hockey to distract them Jamie’s thoughts come rushing back to him.

When he was in high school, Jamie thought he might have been broken. All his guy friends loved to talk about were the sizes of girls’ boobs, the curves of their hips, and while Jamie did agree they were nice to look at, he didn’t feel anything the way they did. Even when he started dating a girl at seventeen, he still didn’t feel anything until after they’d said their first I love yous. He’d panicked at Jordie immediately following, and Jordie had originally waved it off as being due to Jamie’s shyness and insecurities. For a while, as the relationship built, he started to believe Jordie was right, and even though he was convinced he’d never felt this way about another girl, he also couldn’t really argue Jordie blaming it on him a hopeless romantic – he figured he probably was. But then the relationship ended and Jamie got over her and he never felt the slightest spark of something when he looked at her ever again. He went back to being broken.

That’s why, in juniors, Jamie actively tried to go out with the guys after games. Hooking up in bars was the thing to do in this league, where raging hormones nearly matched most of the guys’ intensity on the ice, and though Jamie had his reservations – that’s putting it lightly, anyway – it seemed like the perfect opportunity to fix himself, only it didn’t work out that way at all. It was a disaster, really, and Jamie cried in front of Jordie over being damaged goods for what seemed like hours.

And that’s when Jordie took it upon himself to do a whole buttload of internet research, and came back to Jamie positively beaming with nothing but a single word: demisexual.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Chubbs!” he’d exclaimed. “You’re just demisexual.”

It was a thing Jamie never knew existed. He knew about homosexuality and bisexuality at that point – actually, there were a few of those throughout his junior career and Jamie had always admired them for their bravery in coming out to the team, but it was the kind of thing that wasn’t really made public in the league, especially not for the guys who had their sights set on the NHL. There were no openly gay or bi pro hockey players, and it didn’t look like things would be changing on that front anytime soon.

Now, thanks to Jordie’s research, Jamie discovered a spectrum of sexualities he didn’t know could be real – demisexual and pansexual and asexual – and suddenly things started making sense again. He felt whole for the first time, unashamed and happy, because he knew that he’d be able to feel that way again, as long as he found someone he could connect with on an emotional level and fall in love with – so hey, maybe he was still a hopeless romantic on top of all this.

Then he made the NHL full-time, and with it came the sinking realization that he simply didn’t have the time to even think about finding someone. Most of the younger guys on the team still went out and picked up chicks at the bar, but Jamie’s needs were so much more complicated and time-consuming than that. He tried to set up a date with a girl once, but his timing had failed miserably and they left for a five-game road trip right after and plans just fell through. After a long heart-to-heart with Jordie, Jamie finally came to the conclusion that his hockey career came first, and trying to manage a proper love life in his rookie year was probably too much for him to handle at this point. Jamie resolved to establish himself in this league first, take the time to make sure he played the best hockey he possibly could, and worry about relationships much later.

Twenty-four years old wasn’t quite the later he’d been hoping for.

Not to mention that this was Tyler – a guy, and not just any guy, but his teammate, his linemate – and suddenly all of Jamie’s assumptions about himself had been turned on its head. Now that last night’s happened, Jamie thinks that maybe all this time he liked both girls and guys, just never really had the right experience to know for sure, so now that made him…demibisexual? He doesn’t even know what to call it anymore. Names and labels aside, the fact of the matter is that Jamie’s attracted to Tyler now, and he likes him a lot, and he – he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle himself now.

He lets out a long sigh without really meaning to, and Tyler looks over at him. “Let’s talk, yeah?” Tyler says.

Jamie nods. “Yeah.” He swallows. “I, um.” He pauses. There are so many thoughts scrambling through his brain now – thoughts of his sexuality, his attraction to Tyler, and most terrifyingly of all, his ideas of relationships. He doesn’t actually know what he wants to say next, or how he wants to say it.

Tyler gives his shoulder a gentle nudge. “I told you I liked you a lot,” he says, and Jamie’s grateful that he’s decided to fill the silence. This is important too, knowing how Tyler feels, and it makes it easier for Jamie to figure out how to respond. The warmth of Tyler’s shoulder against his spreads throughout the rest of his body, comfortable and soothing somehow. “I didn’t think anything would ever come out of it, considering what you told me about you, but then you started doing things and saying things and it was really confusing.”

Jamie’s heart is heavy. He looks down at his feet. “I didn’t realize,” he says softly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no!” Tyler exclaims instantly. “Dude, don’t apologize. I know that you’re…different that way, I guess. Even if I don’t really understand it.”

Jamie tries to find a way to explain it. There’s silence for a moment, and then he’s speaking, desperately hoping he has the right words. “I’ve never liked a guy that way before,” he says, speaking slowly but keeping a steady stream of words. “I haven’t liked anyone that way in so long. My only relationship was before I made the NHL, and it worked because we took our time with it and waited until my feelings were strong enough before we ever had sex. Since then, I just haven’t been able to devote the time to developing a relationship, so there was no way I could feel that way with anyone else.” He swallows. “And then you came from Boston and I wanted to build chemistry with you so we could do great things and prove them wrong, like you wanted, and I never expected that this –” he breaks off abruptly, emotion thick in his throat.

“Jamie, it’s okay, it’s _okay_ ,” Tyler says, and Jamie tilts his head up to look at him. His cheeks are rosy and he’s got a small smile on his face, though he’s not showing nearly enough teeth as Jamie likes. “I didn’t think I would end up wanting you this bad, either. I thought I could just ignore it and keep on hanging out with you like everything was normal and then I realized that I didn’t want things to _be_ normal.”

Jamie blinks at him. “So you want –”

“If you want to try this relationship thing,” Tyler says carefully, “I’m all in.”

“Are you sure?” Jamie can hardly believe this is happening.

“Positive,” Tyler replies with a firm nod of his head, but he keeps his tone light. “Simple as that.”

For some reason, Jamie feels cold. “Is it really that simple?” he asks in a small voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Tyler asks, and then his face falls. “Do you not want –”

“No!” Jamie exclaims instantly. “No, don’t think that. I want this.” He knows he wants this, he’s so sure of himself when he says it, and it’s almost a little scary. He struggles to voice his thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m ready for people to – I don’t want to make this into – what if people find out?” he finishes lamely, hanging his head.

“They don’t have to know,” Tyler reasons. “We can keep it quiet. We don’t have to tell anyone unless we want to.”

“Really, though?” Jamie asks, hardly daring to believe it. “You’re fine with – this is okay?”

“It’s fine,” Tyler says instantly, and he’s so certain that Jamie has to look back up, right into the most sincere, warm gaze he’s ever seen. “I think you’re worth it, you know,” and Jamie’s heart feels like it’s about to burst. Tyler thinks he’s worth all of this, and Jamie doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Jamie reminds him. “I haven’t felt like this in so long, I almost forgot what it’s like.” His voice is still small and tentative; he can’t help it. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Tyler wraps an arm around his shoulders, squeezing gently. “Hey, don’t worry about that,” he tells him. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

Jamie looks down. “I’m going to need time, to be ready for – for things. Last night was – I’m not usually like that. I’ve never done anything with someone I wasn’t already in a relationship before.” He knows he’s repeating himself again but he doesn’t know how else to say it. “If we’re going to be in a relationship now, I don’t want it to be because of sex, I want to take time and make sure we can really work together.” This isn’t about his sexuality anymore. Jamie knows he cares about Tyler a lot and that he’s attracted to him; that’s no longer up for debate. What Jamie’s worried about now is whether or not a relationship can actually work for them.

“That’s fine,” Tyler assures him. “We can go on dates and do dumb couple shit. The guys won’t have to know – it’s not like we don’t already do lunches and stuff anyways.” He has a point. Maybe they’ve already had all the ingredients for a proper relationship for a while now, Jamie thinks.

“What about the other stuff?” Jamie blurts out next.

“What, the gay sex?” Tyler asks, and Jamie blushes furiously, refusing to look at him. Tyler chuckles gently. “Take all the time you need. I’ll even suggest things to help you out, to ease you into it.” Jamie looks up at his tone, and Tyler is grinning his usual grin, eyes sparkling with something like a challenge. “I always have ideas.” He waggles his eyebrows.

Jamie rolls his eyes and checks Tyler in the shoulder. “Gross, man.” But Tyler laughs, and Jamie can’t help the little bubbles of excitement rising in his chest, so he smiles along with him. He’s happy, so fond of Tyler and so happy, that suddenly the future doesn’t seem quite so scary anymore.

~o~

They put on a pretty lackluster performance, and while blaming it on the back-to-back is the easy way out, Jamie stipulates a rule that he and Tyler cannot mess around the night before a game. Tyler agrees, equally guilty about the way he played to not make an issue of it.

They talk some more terms that night before they go over their shifts. Jamie decides he’s not quite ready to tell Jordie about this, and Tyler promises not to say anything to him when he’s over. Tyler asks Jamie’s permission to tell his best friend, Brownie – he apparently already knows that Tyler’s harbored a massive crush for Jamie anyways, and based on the way Tyler’s always talked about him (Jamie’s heard countless stories), he’s a trustworthy confidant, and Jamie doesn’t want to deny Tyler of that. They agree on no hand holding or other displays of affection in public – it’s only for behind closed doors, when the two of them are alone – so that way, there won’t be any risk of people finding out.

Unfortunately for Jamie, now that he’s realized he’s attracted to Tyler, it’s like his body won’t stop reminding him of it, no matter where he is. It’s always during the dumbest moments, too – when Tyler’s swaggering around shirtless under his chest protector in the locker room, when they’re hip checking each other on the ice during warmups, or worst of all, when they’re hanging out in the apartment with Jordie and Tyler’s rolling over the floor with Marshall, cooing and making silly faces. Luckily, it’s not a big deal when Jamie’s got his equipment on, but it’s not so easy to hide when he starts involuntarily tenting in his pants. Jamie hasn’t had this happen to him since he was a teenager, and it’s been long enough that he doesn’t remember how he used to handle it. Tyler sometimes glances over and Jamie’s sure he notices, but he quickly looks away afterwards and doesn’t bring it up, for which Jamie is grateful. He usually has to adjust his positioning on the couch to hide it from Jordie, and thankfully his brother never seems to notice. Jamie will take that small victory.

Their next game is back at home and it’s amazing. Jamie gets the first goal in the early minutes of the game, batting in a rebound after Tyler’s shot, and Tyler gets a hat trick. They don’t celebrate too much even as the hats rain down from the stands – they’re winning 6-1 after all – but Jamie can’t stop thinking about how it was thanks to their chemistry that third goal happened, thanks to the amazing play they put together on the rush, Tyler passing to Jamie as he sped down the ice and Jamie getting it right back to him. He lets himself revel in just how _good_ they are together, how good they can continue to be, how they have the potential to be even _greater_ , greater in all aspects – and then he squirms when he realizes how uncomfortable his jock has become. Shit.

Usually, if he has something else to focus on, Jamie can forget about it, but this time the game focus just isn’t enough. Frankly, it’s downright embarrassing, and he struggles to hide the bulge in his pants as he gets ready to leave the arena with Jordie and Tyler.

Jordie drives them home and Tyler is all Jamie can think about. It’s like now that he’s started it’s impossible to stop. They play fucking amazing hockey together, and off the ice they’re just as great together, whether they’re hanging out with Jordie or huddled together on Jamie’s bed in their hotels, their bodies nice and warm together – and all Jamie can think about now is Tyler’s body pressed up against his, and he can’t shake the thought off even if he wanted to.

In the elevator, Tyler pushes the button for Jamie and Jordie’s floor only, as usual after games, but Jamie then presses the button for Tyler’s. At the perplexed glances he receives, he says, “Oh, I was thinking we could go over our shifts at Tyler’s place tonight?” and he’s sure his cheeks are flushing but Tyler simply nods with an unreadable look on his face and Jordie’s shrugging it off.

They reach Tyler’s floor and wave as the elevator doors close behind Jordie and by this time Jamie’s painfully hard and can barely keep it down any longer. The moment they’re inside the apartment, Jamie closes the door behind them and wraps his arms tightly around Tyler’s waist from behind, pressing their bodies together.

“Jamie, what –” Tyler starts, but he cuts off when Jamie starts kissing along the side of his neck. When Jamie nibbles at his earlobe, Tyler’s eyes roll back a little as he lets out a breathy sigh and says, “Oh, okay.”

His reaction makes Jamie shiver, and he slides one of his hands under Tyler’s shirt, skirting up his chest, feeling the muscles clench as he does. He rolls his hips into Tyler’s ass, a groan escaping from his chest when the friction sends heat shooting through his groin. He bites down on the juncture of Tyler’s neck and shoulder and Tyler makes a strangled little noise.

And that’s all he can do before Marshall comes running, paws skittering across the floor as he hurries to greet them. Jamie releases Tyler instantly, nearly tripping a little as Marshall bolts in between them, jumping and wagging his tail excitedly. They both crouch to greet him and receive their welcome home doggy kisses, and for a moment, Jamie’s able to forget about his arousal. It comes flooding right back, however, when he follows Tyler to the kitchen and Tyler sets Marshall’s bowls up with some food and turns back to face him.

Jamie’s pulse is hammering in his ears and he’s already fighting to catch his breath. Tyler chuckles a little. “I guess you don’t wanna go over our shifts tonight, eh?”

Jamie shakes his head a little too violently, fists clenched at his sides. “I’m sorry,” he blurts, the apology spilling out of him. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it right now – I’m sorry.”

Tyler’s eyes widen. “Jamie, hey, it’s okay,” he says instantly, placing his hands on Jamie’s shoulders to placate him. He laughs a little when Jamie instinctively grabs at Tyler’s hips. “You definitely do not need to apologize for –” he breaks off when Jamie pulls their bodies in closer. “I am more than okay with this.” He leans in to whisper conversationally into Jamie’s ear. “Besides, you’re so fucking hot when you’re all worked up like this, you have no idea how seeing you try to hide it the past few days has been making me feel.”

Jamie groans, smashing his lips against Tyler’s and backing him up until he’s got Tyler pinned against the wall. He grinds his hips, shuddering at the sparks the contact sends through his groin and swallowing the noises Tyler makes. Tyler squirms against him so Jamie pushes back hard, deepening the kiss and biting Tyler’s lower lip. He lets his hands wander, slipping back underneath Tyler’s shirt to brush against his chest, around his back, anywhere he can, reveling in how Tyler arches into the touch. He’s so hard, and he knows Tyler can feel it from the press of their bodies up against one another, but he can feel the bulge in Tyler’s pants pushing into his thigh as well and Jamie knows Tyler probably wants this just as badly, which only fuels him on more.

Jamie breaks the kiss to catch his breath, sucking in a huge gasp of air. Tyler’s grinning at him, though there’s a dangerous spark in his eyes and his lips are red and puffy from where Jamie’s been biting them. His hair is still damp from his postgame shower and it’s sticking to his forehead in weird places. He looks wrecked already, and Jamie bucks involuntarily when a jolt of arousal courses through him.

“So,” Tyler pants, “not that I’m complaining or anything, but what’s got you so worked up this time?”

Jamie’s staring at his neck, transfixed by the way his throat works when he speaks and swallows. He leans in to nip at it, kissing gently in between nibbles.

“You got a hat trick,” he mumbles into Tyler’s skin, and he feels Tyler shiver beneath him. “I want to do something for you.”

“Dude, you don’t –” but Tyler breaks off with a strangled moan when Jamie bites down hard. Jamie knows he doesn’t have to do anything for Tyler, that Tyler said he’s okay with waiting for whenever Jamie is ready to come around to try something, and Jamie doesn’t even really know what he’s ready for – all he knows is that he wants, and that’s making it pretty hard to focus on anything else right now.

Jamie doesn’t really know what’s spurring him to do this, but then he sinks to his knees, curling his fingers around the hem of Tyler’s pants, and Tyler’s breath hitches. He’s heard enough talk in the dressing room after a game to know that hat trick blowjobs are a still a thing, and he can’t get the idea out of his head even though his mind his racing furiously and the nerves are building in his stomach. He pauses.

“Jamie,” Tyler gasps, and Jamie can feel him trembling. “I told you, you don’t have to do this –”

“Do you not want me to?” Jamie interrupts, meeting Tyler’s eyes, trying to keep his voice as level as possible.

“I’m not gonna fucking say no,” Tyler sputters, looking at Jamie like he’s crazy for even implying such a thing. He adds in hurriedly, “But I don’t want it if you’re not okay with it.”

“I,” Jamie pauses. He gulps. “I want to try.” He ghosts a hand over the bulge in Tyler’s pants and Tyler hisses between his teeth.

“Okay, okay, I get it, let’s just, let’s go to my room, yeah?” Jamie follows Tyler’s gaze and notices Marshall licking enthusiastically at his water bowl. He’d been so focused on Tyler that he hadn’t even noticed, hadn’t heard any of the obnoxious slurping noises, but now they stand out, echoing uncomfortably in his ears, a reminder that they’re not alone.

“Yeah, okay, good idea.”

Jamie rises again and lets Tyler take his hands, lets him drag him down the hall way to the bedroom. Once they get there, Jamie pushes into Tyler’s space all over again, covering his mouth with messy kisses as his hands fumble with the hem of Tyler’s pants while Tyler clumsily tries to unbutton his shirt. When Jamie tries to yank his pants down, they get caught around his legs and Tyler stumbles, falling sideways into the bed. He kicks his pants off the rest of the way and sits there at the edge, legs spread and shirt open, and he grins and waggles his eyebrows at Jamie.

Jamie comes over and kneels at the edge of the bed in front of him. There’s a damp spot on the front of Tyler’s underwear where his erection is straining against the fabric, and Jamie knows that Tyler wants this, and he wants this for him too. He reaches to pull on Tyler’s boxers and Tyler lifts his hips to let him. When his cock springs free, Jamie reaches out to curl a hand gently around it and then pauses when Tyler shudders at the touch.

“Are you still sure you want to do this?” Tyler asks breathlessly, cheeks flushed, pupils blown out huge and his mouth hanging open.

Jamie swallows and nods. He’d been on the receiving end before, but that was over five years ago and he honestly doesn’t really remember it much anymore. The only reason he’s even thought of that past relationship recently is because of what Tyler brought out in him, anyways. The mild panic sets in when he realizes he has essentially no former experience to rely upon to help him through this.

Tyler seems to pick up on what his expression means, and he bumbles out reassurances and ideas. “Okay, it’s gonna be fine, just – you don’t have to go deep, just the head is fine, and like, don’t use your teeth, and you can still use your hand at the same time. Or, actually, you can just start with your tongue, see how that feels? Okay?” He sounds overwhelmed.

Truth be told, Jamie’s pretty overwhelmed himself and he’s not quite sure why Tyler would be feeling that way too. Still, he focuses on what Tyler told him and leans in, taking in the image of him hard and leaking right in front of his face. He extends his tongue experimentally and licks gently at the precome around Tyler’s slit. It doesn’t really taste like much, and it’s a little weird, but Tyler’s shaky exhale convinces Jamie to continue. He licks slowly up and down the shaft, holding it steady near the base with his hand, while Tyler trembles and pants on the bed.

Jamie’s tongue finds a thick vein on the underside of Tyler’s cock, and he follows it upwards, noting how Tyler hisses when his tongue slips over the ridge of the head. Feeling emboldened, he opens his lips over the head, careful not to scrape his teeth, and sucks.

Tyler bucks into him and Jamie backs off immediately, coughing and gasping in surprise. “Shit, no, sorry!” Tyler wheezes. “I just, I won’t do it again, I promise I won’t move, I’m sorry, fuck.”

Jamie exhales, trying to steady his breathing again, and takes in Tyler’s head again, gently stroking the shaft with one hand while using the other to help hold Tyler’s hips steady. This time, he lets his tongue dart around, licking across the slit, and Tyler keens loudly.

“Oh, oh fuck, Jamie, your tongue, yeah, just like that, fuck.”

Jamie shivers at the words spilling from Tyler’s mouth and takes him in a little deeper, causing Tyler to break off into a moan before the words come back again. Jamie likes that Tyler is so vocal, mostly because it serves as assurance that he’s actually doing okay at this, and it makes him feel like he can maybe do even more. He tries to establish a rhythm, going a bit deeper before pulling back and working at the head, but he doesn’t go as deep as he probably thinks he could for fear of triggering his gag reflex. Once he might have accidentally used his teeth and Tyler hisses at him, so Jamie pulls off completely, babbling apologies as he leans back in to readjust himself, but then he gets back into the somewhat steady rhythm of it and Tyler’s ranting again so he thinks it’s okay. He moves deeper still, pulling back a little when it’s uncomfortable and sucking insistently on the head some more, tongue darting around wherever he can reach with it.

“Fuck, I’m close, Jamie, fuck, I’m gonna –”

Jamie pulls back, dragging his lips against the ridge of the head as he does, licking across the slit one last time, and Tyler whines loudly. He only has to stroke once and that’s it; Tyler comes with a yelp, spilling all over Jamie’s hand and shirt because he forgot to angle him away. He feels a little bit of come spurt onto his chin, but he’s more thankful he didn’t get it all over his face for that to matter.

Tyler shakes for a bit and then falls back into the mattress, panting. Jamie wipes his chin with his sleeve and pulls the dirty shirt off, discarding it in a corner of the room. He’ll have to wash it sooner than later, he knows, though he could also probably get rid of it. It’s not like he doesn’t have more where that came from.

Jamie pulls himself onto the bed, leaning over Tyler and kissing him gently down his chest. “Was that okay?” he asks, suddenly worried about it all over again.

Tyler grins lazily, his breathing steadying again. “For a first time, that was _good_ ,” he says, and Jamie feels himself flush. “If you’re always this good at new things, you can try whatever you want with me, whenever you want, and I’ll be so down.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, but his cheeks are red-hot. “God, shut up,” he says, and then decides to make him do so by kissing him gently on the mouth. Tyler leans up into the kiss, humming in contentment. He shifts his thigh to catch Jamie between the legs, and Jamie gasps into Tyler’s mouth. He grinds into Tyler’s thigh and it’s like his nerves are alight with want. He’d been able to calm down and focus on Tyler before, but now he has nothing to distract from how turned on he is, how every little touch is like fire.

Jamie moans when he feels Tyler’s wandering hands settle on his ass, pulling him forward as he rocks himself against Tyler’s thigh. Tyler’s tongue darts playfully into his mouth and Jamie sucks on it insistently. The pressure and the heat in his groin are building, building, building, and Jamie just wants more, wants this to go on forever, but it’s so strong and he’s teetering on the edge and Tyler’s fingers are pressing into his ass and he’s biting Jamie’s lip and that’s it, he thrusts one last time against Tyler’s thigh and comes in his pants, shuddering violently.

When it’s over, he lets himself fall back onto the bed next to Tyler, their faces close together. Jamie’s face feels red-hot and when he feels the wetness trickling in his boxers, he flushes worse than before.

“Shit. Fuck.”

Tyler looks at him, still a little out of it, but there’s no mistaking the teasing grin on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asks, but by the look on his face he knows exactly what the answer will be.

Jamie breathes deeply, trying to steady his pounding heart rate. “I can’t believe I just,” he starts, and then he swears. “Fucking hell, I just came in my pants.” This is the kind of horror story that happens to teenage boys, not men in their mid-twenties. It’s gross and embarrassing, but he’s feeling sluggish enough in the aftermath that he can’t quite bring himself to do anything about it just yet.

Meanwhile, Tyler’s looking like him like he’s the sweetest thing in the world. “You are so adorable when you’re like this,” he declares. Jamie makes a strangled little noise of protest in his throat. Tyler laughs. “No, it’s a good thing! I like seeing you all worked up and embarrassed.”

Feeling himself blush even hard, Jamie firmly turns his head away. He can’t believe Tyler’s saying these things about him. It makes him want to curl into the blankets and disappear.

“No, babe, I don’t mean it like that,” Tyler protests, sounding slightly hurt, and Jamie’s heart does a funny little flutter at the endearment. He feels a hand rest against his hair, fingers threading gently through it. “I mean, it reminds me that this is new to you and that I need to make sure I can make it good for you.”

Jamie’s heart catches in his chest and his throat is suddenly thick with emotion. He presses into the touch and turns back to look at Tyler. His eyes are shining and he’s smiling in earnest now. Jamie doesn’t understand what he’s done to deserve such patience, to deserve Tyler, who for all his love of teasing Jamie still first and foremost tries to take care of him.

He leans in to kiss Tyler, but the movement causes wetness to leak down his thigh and Jamie bolts upright. “Shit, I need to get out of these boxers,” he gasps.

Tyler vaguely waves a hand towards his dresser. “You can borrow one of mine,” he says, chuckling lightly. “Take whatever you need.”

Jamie hopes it’s not too late to at least save his pants. Luckily, when he reaches the bathroom with a clean pair of Tyler’s boxers and he’s able to survey the damage, it’s nowhere near as bad as he thought it would be. He takes a damp facecloth and wipes himself down, thankful to be able to salvage his pants. Tyler’s boxers are a little too tight for him, but he’ll make do for the time being, especially since he can still at least wear his own pants on top of them. He fumbles through Tyler’s closet to find a shirt he can borrow as well, but most of them are too small and he doesn’t want to rip Tyler’s collars to fit in them so he settles for a hoodie. It’s still a little tighter than he’s used to, but it’s good enough for now.

Tyler’s still lying naked on the bed when Jamie’s fully dressed again, though there’s a wad of Kleenex on the night table that he’d used to clean himself up. Jamie leans over to kiss him briefly, and Tyler whimpers when he pulls back.

“You’re not gonna stay the night?” Tyler asks, crestfallen.

Jamie shakes his head. “We have to be careful when we’re home,” he says softly. “Jordie’s gonna get suspicious.”

Tyler ducks his head. “I think he already is,” he admits, and Jamie turns his head sharply. “I mean, he was there when you made those comments on the couch after the Olympics.”

Oh. The panic that had started to rise settles fairly easily. “He knows I ramble when I’m tired, though,” Jamie reasons. “He probably doesn’t think too much of it. Besides, he knows about my – he knows how I am.”

“Okay, then. Text me when you get back?”

Jamie has to laugh at that. “What, are you my mom?”

“No, just so we can say good night.”

Jamie thinks his heart might burst out of his chest. He leans back in to kiss Tyler some more, but he pulls away when he realizes that if he keeps this up he might never leave. He lets Tyler stay in bed while he heads for the door, stopping by the living room to say goodbye to Marshall.

He tries to be as quiet as possible when he gets back to his apartment, hoping that it’s late enough that Jordie will already be in bed. As it turns out, Jordie’s still awake, seated with his back to Jamie on the couch and watching something on Netflix, but the sound is loud enough that he doesn’t hear the door opening and closing behind him.

He tiptoes down the hall to his room and he’s nearly there when he hears, “So, Chubbs, do we need to have a talk?”

Jamie’s heart drops and his insides turn to ice. He looks over his shoulder, but the TV is still on and Jordie still hasn’t turned around.

“No,” he calls back.

The TV screen goes black and Jordie turns around. Jamie flushes when he sees the look Jordie gives him. “Get the fuck over here,” he commands, and Jamie has no choice but to hang his head and shuffle over to the living room. He plops down on the opposite couch, refusing to meet his brother’s gaze. They sit in an awkward silence for a while, and Jamie knows Jordie’s doing this on purpose, that he knows how badly these silences sit with Jamie.

“So,” Jordie says finally. “How long have you and Tyler been fucking?”

Jamie chokes. “That’s not – we haven’t –” he sputters, struggling to catch his breath.

“Chubbs, you’re wearing one of his hoodies and your hair’s a fucking mess. Maybe you haven’t actually had sex yet but it’s pretty fucking obvious there’s something going on here.”

Jamie hangs his head. “It’s been a few days,” he admits. “Since the roadie.”

“And when were you planning on telling me?”

Jordie’s tone is bitter, and it hits Jamie like a punch to the gut. He can’t bring himself to look at his brother. “I-I wasn’t, yet,” he finally whispers.

Jordie sighs audibly. “You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” he says, and Jamie can’t even bring himself to argue back. “I get if you want to keep that kind of thing quiet, but I’m your fucking brother, Chubbs. Besides, did you really think I wasn’t going to notice? I saw how hung up Tyler was after you said that stupid sleeping together on the couch shit, and I purposely tried to give you guys space afterwards so you could talk about it, and now you go pretend to look at shifts down at his place instead of ours – where you’ve always done it before, and I’m your fucking brother, I know how much you like to stick to your routines, I’ve been stuck living with them my entire career – so you guys can have some alone time? Give me some fucking credit here.”

Jamie’s heart plummets when the truth of Jordie’s words sinks in. He feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world right now.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, and he knows it’s the worst apology ever. “I-I didn’t think.”

“Obviously,” Jordie says, but his tone lightens somewhat. “So, give me the facts. You and Tyler, are you guys, like, an actual item now?” Jamie swallows and nods. “Okay, and you don’t want anyone else to know about it?” Jamie shakes his head. “That’s fair. The guys in the locker room probably would be cool about it but I get why you wouldn’t want that kind of thing to go public.”

It’s Jamie’s turn to sigh. “Sorry,” he says again. “I should’ve known better.”

“It’s fine,” Jordie says, and his tone is a bit exasperated but Jamie can tell he means it. “How did this happen, anyways? Did you fall head over heels in love with the guy or something?”

“No!” Jamie snaps, immediately on the defensive, but then his shoulders sag. “I just…I was so focused on building chemistry with him, so we could do well together on the ice, and we became close friends and things just kind of…” he trails off, gesturing vaguely with one hand.

“Can’t say I expected this to happen to you with another guy,” Jordie admits. “I thought you only could like girls.”

“So did I,” Jamie agrees.

“And you’re definitely into this, though?” Jordie asks. “Like, are you sure this is what you want?”

Jamie nods. “Positive,” he answers. “I didn’t realize how long I’d been wanting this for until after he kissed me, but –”

“Okay no, I do _not_ want details of your love life, Chubbs, you keep that shit to yourself,” Jordie interrupts immediately, and Jamie can’t help but quirk a small smile.

“What about hockey?” Jordie asks next, now serious again. “You know you can’t let this interfere with hockey. You guys are professionals. It might be fine for now, but if shit hits the fan, you still gotta play hockey together.”

“I know,” Jamie says. “We both know. We’ll make it work on the ice, no matter what happens. We’re professionals, like you said.”

Jordie hums in response, apparently satisfied with the answer. There’s still a little fear nagging at Jamie’s brain. “Are you okay with this, though?”

Jordie rolls his eyes. “Look, if you’re good to him and he’s good to you and you guys are both happy then I have no problem with what you decide to do – as long as you don’t turn me into a third wheel, or I’m gonna make you both regret it,” he adds with a shit-eating grin, and Jamie whips a pillow at him. It misses wide, and Jordie laughs at him.

They throw pillows at each other for a few minutes until they’ve missed or deflected them all so that they’re scattered across the floor. They’re both grinning easily and Jamie feels relieved, like this talk has lifted a weight off his shoulders he didn’t even know was there.

They hip check each other while they pick up the pillows and set them back properly where they belong, and then they both head off to bed. Jamie curls under the blankets with his phone, the only connection he has to Tyler right now, missing the weight in the bed beside him and the way his body’s always so nice and warm.

_[you] Sorry it took so long. Jordie knows. We talked, it’s good._

He receives Tyler’s response instantly, and Jamie knows Tyler was probably waiting for him this entire time. He can’t help but feel guilty.

_[Tyler Seguin] np. breakfast tmrw?_

_[you] That’d be nice. Do you think it would be okay if I invite Jordie?_

_[you] I don’t always want to include him or anything, but._

_[you] Just this time. I feel bad a little._

_[Tyler Seguin] thats fine_

_[Tyler Seguin] i hope he doesnt mind pda_

_[you] Not when we’re out!_

_[Tyler Seguin] no no when were back home bc i am totally kissing and cuddling u on the couch like u wanted_

Jamie’s heart swells when he reads Tyler’s response. He’s sure he must have the world’s dorkiest grin on his face when he types in his reply.

_[you] I can’t wait._

~o~

As it turns out, Jordie’s okay with a few displays of affection here and there. He teases them the first time they cuddle together on the couch, properly this time, and when Jamie flushes and breaks away Jordie rolls his eyes at him (“I’m your brother, Chubbs, teasing you is part of the contract”) so Jamie relaxes back into Tyler again, cheeks pink but his heart light and giddy. The only thing Jordie outwardly protests at is if they start kissing in front of him, and it becomes a little game to do it when he’s not looking, to see how many kisses they can fit in before he turns his attention towards them. They still hang out the three of them most of the time, though Jamie and Tyler will occasionally go for lunch dates without him. Tyler and Jordie still gang up on Jamie when they play video games, and it never gets awkward, for which Jamie is grateful.

When they go out for drinks with the guys, Tyler sometimes wingmans for Jordie, but he never actively flirts with anyone anymore, just comes back to Jamie when Jordie’s found himself a partner at the bar or on the dance floor. Sometimes, if Jamie’s sure no one will notice, he pats Tyler’s knee under the table, and sometimes, Tyler will interlace their fingers together.

Everything’s easy and comfortable until their game against Columbus. They’re six minutes into the game and they’ve just gotten off the ice from a shift when Pevs collapses on the bench next to them, his entire body seizing, and suddenly everything is a sea of panic and screaming and Tyler’s throwing water bottles and towels onto the ice to get the refs’ attention and guys are jumping over the boards and the medical staff is rushing Pevs down the tunnel and that’s the last they see of him.

Jamie feels numb with shock and terror and disbelief. No one knows what just happened, and yet he has to be the one to talk about it. He’s right by the Columbus bench so he tries to steady his voice and explain to them that there was an “incident” on the bench.

“I don’t know what happened to him,” Jamie says, failing to keep his voice from shaking as a linesman skates over as well. “He collapsed on the bench after his shift. I don’t know what happened.”

Behind him, his teammates are gathered on the ice, looking in down the tunnel towards the locker rooms to see what’s going on. Jamie wishes he could see what’s happening too, but he can’t, the ref is here and the Columbus guys are looking to him and it’s too crowded for him to get a look anyways. He knows Pevs is long gone from view, however, when the players slowly back away and either retreat towards or away from the Columbus players.

“I dunno, I think it’s something to do with his heart though,” Jamie’s saying again for the umpteenth time. He’s honestly lost all track of everything; he knows that some of his teammates are conversing with the Columbus players and others are slumped on the bench. Tyler’s on one knee on the ice with a few of their teammates and he just wants to go over to him and hug him and hold him until everything’s okay again but he knows he can’t, he knows that if he doesn’t keep his distance he won’t be able to help himself so he stays by the opposing team’s bench, mindlessly repeating himself over and over again until he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. He just hangs around, shifting the weight on his skates, gliding back and forth a little bit while the world seems to come crashing down around him and he feels sick to his stomach with the dread and the fear and the agony of just not knowing.

Finally they receive word that the defibrillator was successfully used and that Pevs was talking and conscious and on his way to the hospital in an ambulance, and the league makes the decision to postpone the game. Jamie watches his teammates trudge off the ice, making sure they’re all more or less okay before following them. He’s glad to hear the medical staff was successful, but it’s nowhere near enough. Back in the room, he sees Tyler throwing his equipment off before slumping shirtless in his stall. Jamie’s heart is already aching enough as it is without seeing him like this. Everyone undresses in complete silence, occasional sighs breaking through the room.

There’s almost no time to regroup as they’re on a flight to St Louis that same night since they have another game tomorrow. Some of the guys talk in hushed whispers on the flight but almost everyone keeps to themselves. Jamie says nothing to Jordie or Tyler; he’s too lost in his own thoughts. They find out that Pevs is in stable condition at the hospital when their flight lands, and Pevs himself sends out a text to let them know, and the relief punches all the air out of Jamie’s lungs. Still, he’s exhausted and emotionally drained, and all he wants to do is crawl into bed and stay there for a long, long time.

Tyler follows Jamie to his hotel room without a word, and Jamie’s going to say something when he remembers with a start that Pevs was Tyler’s roommate on the road. He pulls Tyler into the room with him, and as soon as the door is closed behind them they’re latching onto each other like they’re never letting go.

Tyler buries his face in Jamie’s chest and lets out a broken sob, desperately fisting into Jamie’s shirt. Jamie cradles Tyler in his arms, stroking gently through his hair and down his back, keeping their bodies pressed tight together, letting Tyler know that he’s here, he’s right here with him, and he’s not going anywhere.

Jamie holds Tyler through it, furiously blinking back his own tears as Tyler cries onto his shirt. He loses track of time again and he doesn’t know how long it takes for Tyler to stop sniffling, but once he does, Jamie pats him a few times on the head and kisses his hair briefly before murmuring, “Come on, we should get to bed.”

They wordlessly strip down to their boxers and climb under the blankets. Jamie props up the pillows a little to give himself a bit more leverage as he lies down on his back. Tyler immediately cuddles right up against Jamie on his side, wrapping an arm over his stomach and resting his head on Jamie’s chest. Jamie tightens an arm around him protectively, gently stroking one of Tyler’s ink-covered arms. It’s the most soothing gesture he can manage right now.

Tyler shifts and adjusts his head against Jamie’s chest, batting his fingers rhythmically against Jamie’s stomach.

_Tap-tap. Tap-tap. Tap-tap._

Jamie looks down in surprise. Tyler’s eyes are closed, but there’s no mistaking what he’s trying to do.

He’s following Jamie’s heartbeat.

Jamie’s heart feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces. He leans down to kiss the top of Tyler’s head. “It’s okay,” he soothes, and Tyler sniffles. “I’m okay. You’re okay. Pevs is gonna be okay. Nothing else is gonna happen.” He knows that Tyler knows this, too, but it won’t be enough for tonight. It won’t be enough for a while. Jamie wonders how long it will take for this ache to go away.

Tyler doesn’t say a word that entire night, just holds onto Jamie like his life depends on it, occasionally sniffling a little and shifting to get comfortable. Every now and then, Jamie will whisper, “You okay?” and Tyler will hold on a little tighter in response. For now, Jamie knows it’s the best he can do, so he plants gentle kisses on the top of Tyler’s head and strokes his arms and ensures that his body stays nice and warm against Tyler’s, a constant reminder that he’s not alone.

Sleep doesn’t come easily to either of them. Jamie thinks he might have dozed off a few times, but every time he wakes and checks the clock only something like fifteen minutes has passed by. Tyler’s eyes are mostly closed, but he blinks every few minutes when Jamie watches him so Jamie knows he’s not really getting any sleep. There’s one point in time, probably around four in the morning, when Jamie finally dozes off for a while, but it only lasts a little over an hour, and when he wakes, Tyler is still awake too.

When Jamie’s alarm finally goes off the next morning, neither of them really need it. Jamie reaches across Tyler and shuts it off immediately, but neither of them moves to get up.

Jamie kisses Tyler gently again, like he’d been doing all night. “Hey, did you sleep any?” Tyler firmly shakes his head and Jamie sighs, his heart sinking. “You gonna be okay to play tonight?”

Tyler nods slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I will be. Sorry.”

Jamie cards his fingers through Tyler’s hair. “No, don’t be sorry for anything. I’m sure everyone else had a rough night too.”

“How about you?” Tyler looks up at him and Jamie notes that his eyes are puffy and bloodshot. “Did you sleep?”

“Not much,” Jamie admits. “It’s okay, though,” he adds quickly. “Being with you helped.”

Tyler presses his lips against Jamie’s sternum. “Being with you helped me too,” he murmurs.

And then they’re getting dressed and ready and joining the team for breakfast and meeting the media at the arena to answer all sorts of questions about what happened last night. Jamie stumbles through his interviews, awkward as always, and he quickly avoids answering any questions asking what he saw on the bench. It goes pretty well, all things considered, and somehow Jamie’s able to pull it off almost as well as he usually does.

Tyler is a different story. He looks wrecked and completely exhausted, drained down to the core. He rubs a hand over his face multiple times, and Jamie knows it’s because his eyes are still stinging. His tone almost sounds composed, but it’s filled with little sighs here and there that only get worse when the media starts asking for more specifics, what went on behind the bench when it happened, how he reacted – and he doesn’t skirt around the questions like Jamie did, he actually answers them honestly. Tyler waits for them to leave the room before he slumps in his stall in the locker room, bowing his head.

Jamie’s heart is breaking for him. Tyler said it best himself: Pevs had been there in every memory of his career as a professional hockey player. He was in Boston when Tyler was drafted, they won a Cup together, got traded together, roomed together here in Dallas and even played on the same line together at times. It’s a tough loss to swallow, even though they know that he’s going to be okay.

Jamie goes over to him and gently ruffles his hair. Tyler looks up at him and Jamie notices that his eyes are still red.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jamie tells him as gently as he can. “Let’s win this one for Pevs, yeah?”

Tyler just stares at him for a while, and Jamie wonders if he’s even seeing him at all. Finally he nods his head slowly, and his jaw sets a little. “Yeah.”

Jamie doesn’t know how Lindy does it, but he manages to put together an inspiring speech that gets the guys pumped and ready to go. Jamie’s never been one for speeches; he’s always preferred to lead by example, and even though it’s true that he has become more vocal this year (he’d realized with a start a while back that it wasn’t just due to him growing into the role of his captaincy, but from Tyler’s influence as well), there was no way he’d have been able to find a way to get the boys going like this.

From the moment they hit the ice, they play with a purpose, against the first place team in their conference while meanwhile the Stars are still battling for their right to the eighth playoff seed. Standings mean nothing anymore when the two teams clash, and the game becomes a battle of who wants it more. Jamie thinks they definitely want it more, what with them still far from guaranteed a playoff spot and especially since they’re trying to win this one for Pevs, but the game is intense and tight down to the wire so there’s really no clear advantage.

The game is tied at the end of regulation and goes into overtime. Jamie manages to feed Tyler the puck and he has an amazing opportunity, but Miller makes the save and then the Blues’ defenseman knocks him over. Tyler’s shaking himself over when their shift ends but Jamie can tell he’s fine, just frustrated with the missed opportunity. Jamie can’t deny he’s a little frustrated for Tyler also. He can’t imagine a more perfect moment than for Tyler to be the one to get them the win.

There’s just over a minute left in overtime when they set up in the offensive zone and Jamie gets a pass directly on his tape and he sees the corner wide open. He snaps the puck over and into the net, just as he’s done so often before, and lets the emotion take over. He screams and punches a fist into the air as the guys rush to hug him, and they’re all cheering and laughing and for a moment it’s like all the fear and worry is gone, like they can hope again, for the playoffs and everything else.

That night, Tyler cuddles with Jamie in bed and they’re so exhausted from the events of the past thirty or so hours that they crash completely. They get a rare day off the next day, but they’re still so emotionally worn out that they just stay at the apartment all day with Jordie while watching Netflix, not even energized enough to play some video games. Tyler brings Marshall up so he won’t get lonely and Jordie elects to cuddle with him on one couch while Jamie and Tyler do the same on the other one, tilting it back with the footrests out. They don’t even talk much; Tyler doesn’t protest Jordie’s choices as much as he usually does, and even though Jordie has the remote he’s too lazy to veto when someone asks for something.

It’s so nice, Jamie realizes, having someone like Tyler here for this. Jordie’s his brother and best friend, no doubt about it, and they’ve always been a great support system for each other, but things with Tyler are different. It’s nice to have someone he not only cares about, but someone he can curl up against after a bad day, someone to hold and someone who will hold him, sharing warmth and comfort as their bodies press together on the couch. It’s so nice that Jamie actually falls asleep this time, with his arms wrapped around Tyler and Tyler’s head against his chest.

He wakes up again to the sound of hushed voices, but Tyler’s body is still pressed against his and he’s too warm and drowsy to open his eyes. Instead, he just lets himself sink deeper into the couch and listens.

“You gonna spend the night here?” Jordie’s asking. “You probably should, if he’s gonna be like this.”

“Yeah, I think I will,” Tyler answers. He’s tilted his face away from Jamie but Jamie can still feel the vibrations against his chest when he speaks. “Marshall’s already asleep anyways, and he’ll be cozy here.”

“You should probably at least move to Jamie’s bed.”

Tyler shifts away from him slightly and Jamie can’t help it; he instinctively tightens his grip around Tyler’s waist to keep him close. Tyler chuckles softly. “I would, but I don’t think he’s gonna let me.”

Jamie’s almost positive Jordie’s rolling his eyes. “I’ll make him, then.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Tyler says hurriedly. “Here’s fine. Just, maybe you can get us a blanket?”

Jordie lets out an exasperated sigh. “I cannot believe you’re making me do this for you.”

“Next time we go for breakfast, my treat.”

“Deal.”

The talking stops for a bit and there’s the sound of shuffling footsteps. Then something heavy and soft falls on top of them.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t do anything gross on my couch.”

“Good night to you too, Jordie.”

There’s the sound of fading footsteps and a door closing. Jordie must have gone to his room. Jamie slowly blinks his eyes open and finds Tyler staring at him.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” Tyler teases lightly. “Ready to go to bed now?”

Jamie squeezes tightly and Tyler tenses for a brief fraction of a second. “No bed,” Jamie says firmly, burying his face in Tyler’s hair. “Stay here.”

Tyler huffs in amusement. “Man, if I knew you wanted to sleep with me on the couch this badly last month, I never would’ve let Jordie steer you away.”

Jamie sighs happily when he shifts to get comfortable and Tyler snuggles up even closer. “This is nice,” he declares, too tired and warm to care how dorky he sounds.

Tyler leans up to mouth at his neck. Jamie bends down to nuzzle his cheek, and when Tyler turns to face him, Jamie kisses him. Their kisses are slow and lazy, and it’s not long before Jamie’s yawning again.

Tyler backs away and settles against Jamie’s chest once more, adjusting the warm blanket Jordie provided for them. “Okay there, Bennie, let’s get some shuteye.”

Jamie doesn’t even protest, just lets his eyes flutter closed and loses himself in the warmth enveloping him from head to toe. “Good night, Tyler.”

“Good night, Jamie.”

~o~

Things aren’t so great when the team is losing. They lose their next home game in shootouts after blowing a two-goal lead in the third, and then they drop all three from the next road trip pretty badly. Tyler sleeps in Jamie’s room during the road trip, but he’s in such a piss-poor mood after the loss to Winnipeg that they don’t even go over their shifts; Tyler goes straight to sleep in the other bed and Jamie settles alone in his, feeling oddly cold despite wrapping himself up in the blankets. The next night, Jamie asks Tyler to sleep with him, but he can tell by the way Tyler angles himself under the sheets that he’s not feeling it and finally Jamie just rolls away from him and Tyler retreats back to the other bed and Jamie tries to ignore the sickly lurches of his stomach.

They lose again to Pittsburgh and Tyler scores the only goal, but there’s no comfort to be taken in that. They’re in a playoff push and they can’t afford to give up these precious points. That night, Tyler’s throwing back the covers of the second bed and by that point Jamie can’t stand it anymore.

“Tyler, are you – are you mad at me?”

Tyler frowns at him. “What? No.”

“It’s just, we’re barely talking.” It feels nothing like how it was not even two weeks ago, and it’s just wrong on so many levels that it makes Jamie feel like he’s going to be sick.

Tyler looks and sounds annoyed now. “We’re playing like shit,” he says, “and I hate losing.”

Now Jamie realizes what Jordie meant when he worried about the relationship clashing with hockey, and the fear strikes him, puts him on edge and makes the room spin for a moment. He’s so terrified of what he’s about to say, but he forces the words out anyways.

“But you’re taking it out on me.”

For a moment, blind fury passes across his face and he thinks Tyler might scream. Then Tyler’s shrinking in on himself, hunching his shoulders and looking down at the mattress.

“I’m sorry.”

Jamie’s shoulders sag in relief that Tyler’s not actually mad at him, but he’s still worried all the same. “No, it’s just –”

“There’s nothing to argue about,” Tyler interrupts snappishly. “I know I’m being an ass, okay? I’m just having trouble dealing with this right now. I’m sorry.” He actually does sound apologetic, though his tone is bitter all the same.

“I hate losing too,” Jamie offers. Tyler rolls his eyes. “No, Tyler, seriously, listen to me. We understand each other, right? So that means we should be able to help each other out when we’re upset. We’re both hockey players, yeah, and hockey’s a big part of us, but it’s not all of us.” He gestures between them. He’s not sure if he’s doing a good job of explaining his thoughts, of voicing Jordie’s main concern, but he hopes it’s enough to make Tyler understand.

Tyler sighs heavily. “No, I get it,” he says. “We can’t mix up hockey with _us_ , right?” Jamie nods, not trusting himself to speak again. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’ll try not to let it get to me off the ice. It’s something I need to work on, and I know I’m doing a shit job of it.”

That’s always been Tyler’s problem, Jamie realizes suddenly. He thinks back to the game in Boston, and how hell-bent Tyler had been on getting smashed once they’d won. He wears his heart out on his sleeve and so his emotions from the game bleed into his everyday life afterwards. He wonders if that’s the reason Tyler got in so much trouble back in Boston. It wasn’t that he didn’t take his hockey seriously enough; the problem was that he took it _too_ seriously.

Jamie moves over to Tyler’s bed and places a hand on his knee. When Tyler looks up at him, Jamie leans in to kiss his forehead, and Tyler’s eyelids flutter. “I think I can help you,” he says slowly. “Remember that game in Boston?”

Tyler quirks a small smile. “You tricked me into staying in that night,” he says.

“But it worked.”

“Yeah, it did.” Tyler lies down in bed and motions for Jamie to join him. Once they’re settled under the covers, Tyler cuddles up to him, resting his head on Jamie’s chest like he always does, and Jamie’s surprised at how much he’s missed this even though it’s only been two days without. “It’s cause of that night that I started liking you, you know.”

Jamie blinks. “You’ve been attracted to me since November?”

“No, I’ve _liked_ you since November, I’ve been _attracted_ to you since we met –”

“Wait, what?”

Jamie’s mind is racing but Tyler is laughing into his chest.

“It’s not complicated or anything,” Tyler says. “It’s not hard for me to find people attractive, and you know that I like both girls and guys. But yeah, you looked crazy strong when I met you. I liked that.” Jamie has trouble processing how that makes him feel, especially when his heart and his dick both react in drastically different ways.

“Anyways, in Boston, you showed that you really cared about me, that you wanted to look out for me,” Tyler continues, his voice softer now. “No one’s ever done that for me before. People always judged me for the things I did, said things to me, but – no one ever tried to do something about it. Most people liked to hang back and watch the implosion. It made for pretty good entertainment sometimes.”

“That’s wrong,” Jamie says instantly, disgusted.

He can feel Tyler’s lips curving upwards against his chest. “Well, that’s why you’re better than them,” he says matter-of-factly. Jamie cards his fingers through Tyler’s hair and Tyler presses into the touch. “I like that you’ll take care of me when I need it.”

Jamie’s heart feels too big for his chest. “We’ll both take care of each other,” he says, and Tyler nods his agreement.

They lose their last game of the road trip in Philly, and Tyler reverts back to being snappy, but this time Jamie doesn’t feel bad pointing it out right off the bat. Tyler spits out a retort before realizing, and then he bitterly apologizes. Jamie chooses to show his forgiveness by wrapping Tyler in a warm hug, which he feels Tyler melt into a little so he knows that it’s okay. It’s not something Tyler’s going to be able to change overnight; Jamie knows that as well, but he knows that Tyler is earnest about wanting to be better. He always has been. Jamie figures Tyler deserves for him to be patient, especially after everything else they’ve been through so far.

They win the next two games at home and for the past three, they’ve been clicking again on the ice, which means the team is also rallying behind them again. The playoff push is absolutely brutal. Back-to-back games are the absolute worst, and off days are scarce, but they hit a winning streak and their chances are looking good as long as they can just keep giving themselves the slight edge in the points race over Phoenix.

Their on-ice success translates nicely to their relationship off the ice, and Jamie is pleased at how good things are getting. On nights when they don’t have games the next day, he’ll sleep down at Tyler’s place if they’re not on the road. Occasionally they’re too tired to do anything, but generally they’re both craving sex and intimacy, especially after having gone so long without it on a regular basis. Jamie’s surprised when he realizes he’s not even embarrassed to admit that anymore, though he still gets excited at inappropriate times on occasion. Tyler makes it his mission to teach Jamie how to give the best blowjobs in the world, which is a little awkward at first but gets better once he gets the hang of things and figures out how to control his gag reflex. It’s even better when Tyler reciprocates. Jamie’s been blown before – so very long ago – but he doesn’t remember it coming even close to what it feels like when it’s Tyler’s lips and tongue all over his cock, so he actually does try to pay attention to all the little things Tyler does to make it that much better so that he can use them too, but it’s usually pretty hard to maintain focus when his brain is short-circuiting the way it is. It’s exciting and fun, and Jamie likes how things are when they’re together.

The only real issue Jamie has is that he knows Tyler wants more, but it’s all stuff that Jamie’s not ready to give just yet. Sometimes Tyler jokes about it, but he never seriously asks Jamie in the moment to do anything more. It should be great but instead it just makes him feel guilty, even with all the compliments and the pretty things that come out of Tyler’s mouth when Jamie’s getting him off.

They win three games in a row and Jamie’s feeling brave enough to at least bring it up, but the moment he does Tyler shrinks back on the bed and waves his hands as if Jamie’s said something horrifying.

“It’s fine, Jamie, honestly, you don’t have to do anything else if you don’t feel like you’re ready –”

“But it’s not enough for you, is it?” Jamie tries to keep the bitter edge out of his voice as he looks down at the sheets.

“ _Jamie_.” Tyler breathes his name with so much emphasis that Jamie has to look back up into his eyes, wide and intense. He grips Jamie’s shoulders softly but firmly. “It’s you. You’re enough.”

Jamie’s heart swells and he feels the heat rushing to his cheeks, but he still can’t bring himself to smile about it. “I want you to be happy,” he says. “I want to make you happy.”

“You _are_ making me happy, babe, I promise,” Tyler replies, and Jamie’s stomach does an embarrassing flip at the endearment. “And I’ll stay happy as long as I know you’re comfortable with what we’re doing.”

He sounds so sincere, and Jamie can’t look at him any longer. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous about it all,” he admits.

Tyler’s voice softens. “Well, you’ve only actually had sex once, right?”

“Yeah.” Jamie’s hand curls into the blanket, absentmindedly stroking the fabric with his index finger. “Well, with one person. I had a girlfriend the year before I was drafted. She was the one who asked me out, actually, and she was a nice girl so I thought I’d give it a shot.”

One of Tyler’s hands drops from his shoulder and the other swoops down his arm until it reaches his hand. Jamie takes it instinctively. “Did you know that you were –?”

Jamie shakes his head. “No, I didn’t have anything figured out until after,” he says. “But she was really nice and I really enjoyed being with her and I was scared that I was broken somehow – but she was a virgin too and she was scared and nervous so I figured maybe that was the reason I wasn’t feeling anything yet. We started kissing pretty early on but I never felt anything from them at first – I didn’t start feeling anything until I realized I loved her.

“After that, I started noticing little things I hadn’t noticed before. I started – um – reacting when we kissed. At that point she was getting ready to move forward too, so the timing ended up working really well.” Jamie starts when he realizes how off-track he’s gotten from the original question, how much he’s remembering now when he hasn’t thought about this in years. “But yeah, so, we had sex a few times, tried a couple other things, and so I had that going on for a while. In the end, though, things didn’t work out and we broke up, so that was the end of that, and I went back to not feeling anything once I got over her.”

Tyler’s nails scratch lightly at Jamie’s palm, making the skin tingle. “And you haven’t done anything since?” he asks.

Jamie shakes his head.

“It’s not all that different, you know,” Tyler supplies. “Well, depends on which end of it you’re on, but I’m more interested in having your dick in me than putting mine up your ass anyways so it really doesn’t –”

“Tyler!” Jamie’s sure he’s red as a tomato now.

“Oh, come on,” Tyler scoffs, but he’s got a mischievous glint in his eyes when he smiles. “I don’t get why you get so weird talking about it. You’re like, a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets.”

“Oh my _god_ , shut up!”

“Why don’t you make me?” And then Tyler’s biting his lip and sticking his tongue out from between his teeth like it’s a challenge and Jamie can’t help the arousal pooling low in his gut when Tyler looks at him like that, so he leans in to smother his mouth in a kiss and forget about the rest of it. Maybe he’s not ready just yet, but he knows he’ll come around eventually and he knows that Tyler isn’t going to push him. Right this moment, though, Tyler’s moving to straddle his lap and his lips are soft and wet against Jamie’s, and everything else can take the backseat for now.

~o~

They follow the win streak with back-and-forth wins and losses. Every game is so intense and tight now, a ferocious battle down to the last second. Tyler really seems to thrive in these games, and Jamie can’t help but feed off his energy. They hit their last homestand of the season and in the final home game, with only one away game left afterwards, they have a chance to clinch a playoff spot for the first time in six years, and they have a chance to do it in front of their fans.

The game is fucking magical. St Louis has long clinched their playoff berth and it doesn’t stop them from coming out hard, but the Stars come right out of the gate on a mission, and they fight tooth and nail through the first period until they finally get the first goal early in the second. Jamie has flashes of the Olympic semifinal game against the US all over again, and it motivates him, pushes him to play his absolute best. He catches his fellow Olympian Pietrangelo off his footing and shoots Tyler a beautiful feed across the crease to put them up 2-0 and it feels just like that semifinal goal, only this time it’s even better because it’s Tyler’s goal, he made that play with Tyler.

They score another goal in the third and it feels like the Olympics all over again, that same bubbling in his chest, only this time it’s magnified because this is the team he’s put his heart and soul into for months now, years even, and it’s like everything Jamie’s been working towards, everything he and Tyler have done together, everything the team has done together, has all been leading up to this amazing game. There's over a minute left in the game but the fans are on their feet anyways, cheering and screaming and Jamie can’t remember the last time the arena’s been this loud. They maybe start celebrating on the bench a few seconds early, but it doesn’t matter. The endgame buzzer sounds and everyone’s hugging and screaming and congratulating Kari for his shutout and the rest of the guys for the great game they played, and Pevs and the rest of the scratches come behind the bench in their suits to congratulate them as well. Then Jamie’s taking off his helmet talking to the PR guys who are setting him up with a microphone so he can give a speech to the fans, explaining to him when to take his cues, and Jamie had been forewarned of the circumstances should the Stars win tonight but it’s overwhelming all the same. He says the first things that come to mind and immediately regrets how lame he must sound when he’s done, but the crowd goes nuts and the team is laughing even while chirping him so it can’t have been that bad.

He skates over to Tyler when it’s done, bumping their chests together like they always do after a win and leaning in close.

“We did it,” he tells him, and his cheeks are already hurting from smiling so much, but he can’t seem to stop. “We proved them wrong.”

Tyler positively beams at him. “We sure did.”

That night, the guys go for celebratory drinks and Jamie caves and allows himself to get a nice buzz going. He doesn’t know if it’s the giddiness from the playoff spot or the alcohol that’s making him so light-headed, but he feels like he’s walking on clouds and he can’t seem to stop smiling to save his life. Tyler’s cheeks are flushed but he can’t stop grinning and wagging his eyebrows at Jamie whenever they trade glances. They walk home together later and Jamie actually has to restrain himself from wrapping himself all over Tyler while they’re still out in the open. Jamie thinks Tyler looks so good like this, so nice and warm and happy and Jamie just feels such an overwhelming swell of affection for him that he doesn’t really know how else to express right now other than to just smile and laugh while he struggles to keep his hands fisted into his pockets.

They get the elevator to themselves and Jamie kisses him, nice and soft and slow and he feels Tyler melt into it too. He wraps his arms around Tyler, holding him close so that the warm press of Tyler’s body against his bleeds into him. Their kiss is so sweet that he feels dizzy, though admittedly he’s still a little buzzed so that might have something to do with it.

There’s no one in the hallway when they reach Tyler’s floor so Jamie indulges himself a little more, holding on to Tyler’s hand as they walk over to his door. Normally Jamie would be way too apprehensive to hold hands in a public place but the exhilaration from the win and the alcohol has him feeling pretty daring, and that in itself makes holding hands so enticing right now.

Jamie means to kiss him sweetly again once the door is closed behind them, but that quickly changes when Tyler bites into his neck. Jamie lets out a moan in spite of himself and tilts his neck to allow Tyler more access, all the while tightly gripping Tyler’s hips to keep him close. He gasps when Tyler sucks hard, fingers pressing hard into Tyler’s skin and making him whimper into Jamie’s neck. Feeling encouraged, Jamie lets his hands wander up underneath Tyler’s shirt, tracing the contours of his abs and teasing gently in circles around his nipples. Tyler responds with little spasms, sucking or biting a little harder, so Jamie digs his fingers deeper into Tyler’s skin. Their reactions feed each other and all Jamie can think about is how good Tyler feels, how much he wants this – until his dick is pressing so insistently against his pants that it becomes uncomfortable.

“Tyler,” he gasps. “Come on.” He tugs at Tyler’s waist, grinding their hips together, and they both groan. Tyler looks up to meet his eyes and there’s so much hunger in them that Jamie almost forgets where he is. He kisses Tyler hard and steps backwards, pulling them together out of the entrance.

They stumble on their way to the bedroom, Jamie trying to drag Tyler there fast and Tyler twisting himself in Jamie’s grip to bite at Jamie’s neck some more, sometimes missing and catching the stubble on his chin instead. Tyler’s breath is hot against his skin, making him shiver, and they’re almost at the bedroom door when Jamie can’t help himself. He presses his lips into Tyler’s, swallowing the noises he makes, loving the way their bodies rock together and how he can feel Tyler’s cock pressed up against his thigh, hard beneath his pants. It only makes Jamie want him more.

The moment they’re in the bedroom they’re flinging off their clothes, tossing them to the floor without a care where they land. Ever since that incident with his pants, Jamie never does anything more than make out with Tyler when he’s clothed – he might never get over that embarrassment, despite Tyler’s reassurances of how much he loved it. Besides, now that he’s gotten used to being with Tyler, he’s not so nervous about stripping for him anymore. Nowadays it’s more like he can’t wait to get out of his clothes for him.

Once that’s taken care of, Jamie carefully maneuvers Tyler by the shoulders until he has him pinned against the mattress. He leans over him, careful not to push all of his weight onto Tyler, and kisses his way up and down his body. Tyler whines and spasms, abs clenching, when Jamie stops to bite down and suck at the skin right above his belly button, and Jamie loves him for it.

Tyler keeps rolling his hips upwards, but Jamie makes sure to keep enough distance between them. Tyler looks so good when he’s wrecked like this, he thinks, and if he didn’t feel so bad about making Tyler wait for so long he could probably watch him like this forever. Tonight, though, Jamie knows what he wants. He feels bold, the thrill from the win and the fans cheering and the alcohol fueling him, and seeing Tyler – Tyler, the one without whom none of this amazing season would have been possible, the one who inspired Jamie all season long, the one he never thought he’d love as much as he does – so flushed and turned on beneath him with his mouth hanging open and pupils dilated compels him into action.

Jamie leans back and sits on his heels, placing a gentle hand on Tyler’s thigh, slowly gliding upwards until it hovers just below his groin. He looks into Tyler’s eyes, catching his gaze, and Tyler looks almost awed. Jamie swallows.

“I – I want to – can we try?”

Tyler looks like he can hardly believe what he’s hearing, almost like he’s fearful, though Jamie can tell by the way his dick twitches that he is most definitely on board with the idea.

“Jamie.” Tyler sounds like he’s had the breath punched out of him. “Are you sure?”

Jamie gulps and nods. “Yeah. I want this. I want it for you. You deserve this.”

“You have to want it for you, too,” Tyler argues, and part of Jamie would find this hesitance funny if he wasn’t already so fucking nervous himself. “You can’t just want it for me.”

“I do! I do.” Jamie shrinks back a little, searching for the words, and once he finds him they just bleed right out. “It might be a little scary to me, but, but, I want you and I love you so if I want something that’ll make you happy then that’s all I need to make me happy and –”

Tyler bolts upright on the bed and leans in to smash their mouths together. Jamie blinks in surprise for a moment and then his entire body arches into the kiss. One of Tyler’s hands cradles the nape of his neck and Jamie loves the feel of it. When Tyler pulls back, his eyes are shining and his smile looks too big for his face.

It’s too much for Jamie to look at, so he pulls Tyler back in for more. Between kisses, Tyler breathes, hot and heavy against his lips, “Jamie, Jamie, I love you too, you know that, right? Jamie.”

“Yeah,” Jamie mumbles, his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn’t even realized what he was saying until he’d said it, and yeah, it was true, but he didn’t think he had it in him to work up the courage. It’s better when he doesn’t think too much and focuses just on feeling. Right now, the affection he feels for Tyler is overwhelming and it’s threatening to get the better of him.

Tyler rolls his hips and their cocks slick together, wet with precome, and Jamie groans. They rut against each other for a while and Jamie’s blinded by the sparks shooting up his groin, lost in the sensation of Tyler’s hot skin against his own and the taste of his lips on his tongue. It isn’t until they break away for air that Jamie finally remembers what the point of all this was.

“Tyler, come on,” he pants. “I want to. I promise.”

That seems to bring Tyler back to himself; he blinks hard and shakes himself over a little before meeting Jamie’s eyes and nodding. He crawls over to the nightstand and pulls open the bottom drawer, retrieving a bottle of lube and a condom. Jamie had suspected Tyler would have stuff ready for when he finally did come around. Now that it’s staring him in the face, though, he can’t help the rising apprehension constricting his throat.

Tyler eyes him carefully. “Okay, so, you know how this is supposed to work, right?”

Jamie nods slowly. He knows. He’s done his internet research, ever since that talk with Tyler. Knowing, he finds, doesn’t make him any more prepared for the actual doing, however.

It’s obvious that Tyler can tell off his look what he’s thinking, because he says, “I’ll open up by myself first, and then you can let me know if you want to give it a shot too?” Jamie nods gratefully. Tyler gives him a reassuring smile, applies some lube to his first two fingers, and then straddles Jamie’s lap, sitting up on his knees, narrating as he goes. “Okay, so I’m gonna just go in with one finger first –” he reaches between his legs and when he hisses slightly, Jamie knows exactly what’s just happened “– and then I just move it around a bit, just loosen things up, get used to having something there.”

Jamie watches in awe as Tyler wriggles his hand around between his legs, and he sees when Tyler decides to add a second finger. His body shudders a little and Jamie instinctively grips Tyler’s hips to steady him.

“Yeah,” Tyler rasps. “Hold me like that, that’s good.”

Jamie holds on tightly as Tyler opens himself up on his fingers. They try to maintain eye contact but Tyler seems like he can barely keep his eyes open and Jamie keeps getting distracted by the way Tyler’s hips jerk. Suddenly Tyler’s body tenses and he lets out a broken moan.

“Was that –?”

“Yeah,” Tyler manages, eyes half-open and rolling to the back of his head. Jamie’s cock twitches eagerly.

He does it again and Jamie can’t help himself. “Let me,” he says firmly. Tyler’s eyes snap open and he nods, passing Jamie the lube. Jamie applies what he thinks is an appropriate amount and reaches underneath Tyler, guided by one of Tyler’s hands. His fingers trace around the hole, and he shivers in anticipation.

“Two at once should be good,” Tyler tells him.

Experimentally, Jamie pushes just the tips of his fingers in. It’s a bit of a stretch, hot and tight all around. When Tyler breathes, “More, all the way, Jamie, come on,” Jamie obeys, slowly pushing his fingers as far in as he can. Tyler lets out a loud, shaky exhale.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tyler pants. “It’s just – your hands are bigger than mine. It’s good. Come on, now open and close them.”

Jamie follows Tyler’s instructions, moving his fingers slowly, exactly the way Tyler tells him to. It feels pretty weird to him, but when he manages to drag his fingers against Tyler’s prostate, eliciting the same reaction as before but now Jamie can actually feel Tyler clenching all around him, Jamie feels a jolt of arousal at knowing what he can do to Tyler now. He tries to press against it again and again, loving how Tyler’s hips move with him and how he moans every time.

Tyler’s clutching at Jamie’s shoulders as he tries to keep himself upright, back curving each time Jamie finds his prostate. “Okay, okay, one more finger, come on, please Jamie,” he gasps.

This is the part that makes Jamie nervous. He slowly pushes in one more finger and Tyler keens, digging his nails into Jamie’s shoulders, causing Jamie’s heart to clench and his fingers to falter.

“No, no, keep going, move ‘em around, please.”

Jamie slowly opens and closes his fingers, stretching them out, and he leans in to kiss Tyler while he does. Tyler kisses back messily and mostly misses Jamie’s mouth, but it’s okay, Jamie thinks, at least he’s distracted now.

Once Tyler’s relaxed around three fingers, Tyler grinds his hips down on them, shuddering as he does and dropping his head against Jamie’s shoulder. “Come on Jamie, fuck me on your fingers, do it,” he mouths into Jamie’s neck.

“Like this?” Jamie pulls his fingers out slightly and pushes them gently back in.

“Harder, harder, do it like you mean it.”

Jamie almost cracks a smile at that, but he’s so focused now, wants to make sure this is okay. He pulls out slowly and then thrusts back in hard, and Tyler lets out a strangled wail.

“Like that, yeah, Jamie, do it again.”

Jamie does it again and again, and he feels it when he finds Tyler’s prostate again and Tyler clenches down on him. It’s the weirdest feeling but he loves it, he loves seeing Tyler coming apart like this, flushed and wrecked and breathing heavily into his shoulder. This is something he could definitely get used to.

He chances a glance down at himself at one point and finds himself hard and leaking, like he knew he was, but it’s at the point where it’s painful and he wants to touch himself so badly but he knows that he has to make sure Tyler’s ready first, and he loves doing this to Tyler so he figures he can wait but it’s agonizing all the same.

“I’m close, stop, you gotta pull out or I’m gonna –” Tyler trails off into a whimper when Jamie instantly pulls his fingers out, maybe a little too fast.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Jamie gasps instantly, pushing back against Tyler’s shoulders to see his face and planting gentle kisses across his wrinkled brow. He groans when Tyler’s hand curls around his dick, barely stroking, but his fingers send sparks up his spine everywhere they’re touching.

Tyler meets his eyes, and Jamie’s a little surprised at how focused he looks now compared to just moments ago. “You’re still sure, right?”

Jamie’s honestly a little terrified still, but Tyler’s making it very hard to fully process that thought. “Yeah, yeah, come on.”

Tyler hands him the condom and Jamie rolls it on carefully, trying to ignore the way his hands shake. Tyler helps lube him up, and then gently pushes down on Jamie’s shoulders until he’s mostly on his back, propped up by some pillows and his elbows.

Jamie stares at Tyler hovering over him. “Like this?” His voice his rough and hoarse to his ears.

Tyler nods. “Yeah, let me, it’ll be easier for you.” He splays a hand across Jamie’s chest as he lines himself up, taking Jamie’s cock in his other hand to angle it right. Jamie can feel it, he feels Tyler rub the head around the edge of his hole and he feels it slip, and then suddenly there’s this overwhelming pressure as Tyler sinks down on him slowly, keening loudly as he goes.

Jamie’s not even aware of when he bottoms out; everything is hot and tight around him and he’s on fire with it. It’s familiar yet different, and it’s been so long since he’s felt anything similar that he’s completely lost in the sensation of it. He desperately tries not to buck his hips when he notices the pained expression on Tyler’s face.

“Tyler, are you okay? I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s babbling out apologies even though some part of him knows it’s not really his fault.

“Yeah, I’m fine, give me a sec,” Tyler pants back in response. Shakily, he leans forward, and Jamie tilts his head upwards to meet him in a kiss. It doesn’t last long; Tyler leans back a little and then suddenly everything’s clenching around Jamie’s cock and Jamie’s hips buck violently, drawing strangled yelps from the both of them.

“What was that?” Jamie gasps, blinking fast and struggling to control his hips.

Tyler’s eyes are half-lidded but he’s smirking all the same. “I squeezed,” he says proudly. “Like that?” He does it again and Jamie curves into it, all the air punched out of his lungs.

He’s dizzy and alive with it, close to the edge already, and it makes it hard to string words together to form a sentence. “I’m not gonna – if you keep that up – it’s not gonna last,” he manages.

Tyler takes that as his cue to ease up a little. “Okay, I’m gonna move, okay?” Jamie nods and Tyler slowly lifts off slightly before grinding back down. Jamie’s hips roll up experimentally to meet him and Tyler moans with it. It takes several repetitions before they establish any sort of rhythm, but once they do Jamie’s grunting with every thrust upwards and the noises Tyler makes only serve as fuel as Jamie feels himself approaching closer and closer to the edge. It’s so good, Tyler around him like this, and Jamie’s overwhelmed by the sensation.

Through the haze of want he dimly realizes that Tyler’s reaching to touch himself, so he extends his hand to knock Tyler’s aside. “No, no, let me,” he pants, but he can barely hold himself up like this he’s so far gone already that it’s awkward and uncomfortable. “Hold on, can we change?”

Tyler stops grinding down on him and stares, like he doesn’t understand anything that’s going on. Jamie never knew how much he could love that look on him.

“Just, let’s –” Jamie shifts, pulling himself upwards into more of a sitting position and feels himself slip out. The look on Tyler’s face is absolutely devastating. “No, no, just –” Jamie leans in and kisses him hard, pushing Tyler onto his back as he does and crawling in between his legs. Tyler seems to realize what Jamie intends and his eyes widen. He spreads his legs wider and lifts his hips off the bed.

“God, Jamie, please, I need you,” he begs. His face is flushed and his hair is matted with sweat, and there’s something so raw and pleading in his eyes that Jamie can’t bear to do anything other than crack and give Tyler what he wants.

He carefully lines himself up, pushing experimentally to catch the head and then going all the way in without much resistance. He pulls out slowly but not all the way and then thrusts back in hard. The filthy sound Tyler makes fuels him, and he does it again, reveling in the way Tyler feels and sounds, the way he’s coming apart like this, and Jamie’s reeling, closer and closer to the edge. It was amazing before but seeing Tyler beneath him like this is just too much.

Jamie almost forgets what he’d been meaning to do and when he finally reaches down to wrap a hand around Tyler’s leaking erection, Tyler keens loudly.

“Oh my god, Jamie, please, I’m so close, keep going, please, Jamie, Jamie.”

His hand slick with lube and precome, Jamie strokes Tyler tight and quick, in time with his thrusts, though they’re getting more and more erratic as he struggles to control himself. Tyler’s babbling incoherently, breaking off into abrupt moans and gasps when Jamie manages to thrust hard into his prostate, and it’s too much, he’s so close –

Tyler’s back arches completely off the bed and he lets out a broken wail before his entire body seizes up and he spills all over Jamie’s hand. He clenches around Jamie as he does, causing Jamie to pitch forward violently and that’s it, he goes rigid as he comes hard, struggling to hold himself upright as his body spasms through it.

When they both settle from the aftershocks, Jamie collapses on top of Tyler, feeling himself slip out. He kisses messily along the side of Tyler’s neck, catching the scruff on Tyler’s chin when he turns his head into it.

They trade sloppy kisses for a while as they try to catch their breaths. Finally, Jamie starts to pull away so he can get up to fetch a washcloth from the bathroom. His heart wrenches when Tyler lets out a sad little whimper, but he forces himself to break the contact anyways.

“I’m coming right back, Tyler, I promise,” he says, and he rushes over to the bathroom, determined to take as little time as possible, and as soon as he gets back to the bed he drops down to kiss all over Tyler’s face. Tyler looks so grateful that Jamie’s heart feels fit to burst from his chest.

He cleans up the mess, trying to kiss Tyler as much as possible at the same time. Once that’s done and he’s tossed the cloth into the hamper, he cuddles against Tyler from behind, loving how easily he can wrap himself around him. He leaves a trail of soft kisses across the back of Tyler’s shoulder.

“Was that okay?” he asks quietly.

Tyler snorts loudly. “Did you really have to ask?” he asks in disbelief, and Jamie huffs a chuckle into his shoulder. His tone quickly grows more concerned. “How was it for you?”

Jamie rests his lips against Tyler’s shoulder blade as he tries to come up with the words. “It was good,” he says finally. “Like, really good.”

“Not so different?”

Jamie nips at Tyler’s shoulder. “Hmm, not really. At least, I don’t think so. I don’t remember it much, to be honest.”

“Your body didn’t seem to have any trouble remembering what to do,” Tyler replies, his tone light and teasing, but Jamie blushes furiously all the same, curling his body into Tyler’s and clutching him tightly, burying his face in the nape of Tyler’s neck. “Hey, babe, that’s not a bad thing!” Tyler says instantly, sounding slightly alarmed, and Jamie relaxes somewhat at the endearment. Tyler shifts and rolls over to face him. His hair is matted with sweat, stuck to his forehead in various places, and his cheeks are still pink, but his eyes are warm and shining and Jamie’s stomach does a silly little flip.

“Thanks,” Tyler says, and his voice is so sincere and Jamie thinks his heart might burst. “I know this was out of your comfort zone, but –” he’s cut off abruptly when Jamie can’t stand to hear any more of this and silences him with a deep kiss. Tyler melts into it and Jamie thinks this might be his favorite feeling.

“No, it’s okay, I’m glad I did this,” Jamie assures him when they break apart, but he keeps their lips close together so that he can kiss him some more between phrases. He loves the way Tyler smiles at him. “I’m glad it was with you.” He kisses Tyler again, long and soft and sweet. He’s so happy that it’s hard to fight back a smile, and soon they’re laughing into each other’s mouths. “This is for making the playoffs. And…” he trails off for a moment, swallowing. “Cause I love you.”

Tyler cuddles up against him, beaming. “Yeah. I love you too.”

~o~

They meet Jordie upstairs for breakfast early the next morning before their flight to Phoenix and Jordie groans loudly when he notices the stiffness in Tyler’s step. “You have got to be kidding me. You know we have a game tomorrow, right?”

“I’m fine!” Tyler rolls his eyes, gingerly shifting his weight on one leg. “It’s only cause I haven’t done it in a while; won’t take long to shake it off. Besides, your brother didn’t –”

Jordie stuffs his fingers in his ears. “I don’t want to hear about my baby brother’s sex life, thank you very much!” and Tyler snickers and sticks his tongue out.

In the end, Tyler was right; he jogs on the spot for a bit in the apartment, only wincing a little at the start, and then he’s fine. None of the guys notice anything wrong with his stride when they meet to board their flight to Phoenix, and once they’re on the ice for practice, it’s impossible to tell that Tyler had been feeling any sort of soreness at all. Jamie’s relieved; the idea of Tyler being too sore because of him had been absolutely mortifying. Even so, it’s because of this that Jamie decides there will be no sex of any kind during the playoffs. Tyler exaggerates rolling his eyes when Jamie tells him but they don’t dwell on it too much; they both know how important this is.

Jamie ends up being a healthy scratch for the final game of the season, solely to give him a bit of extra time to rest his body since he hasn’t missed a game all season, but it feels weird watching from the press box and he doesn’t like it, even less so when the guys lose without him. It feels wrong, not being able to help them through it, knowing that Tyler’s centering someone else instead of him. It’s not jealousy, but it’s the feeling of missing out on something he knows he’s a part of. Truth be told, he’s a little relieved when the game ends. Sure, they end their season with a loss, but they’re in the playoffs and Phoenix isn’t, so really, they get the last laugh, and from this point onwards, the regular season games don’t matter anymore and it’s off to Anaheim for Jamie’s first-ever playoff games.

The whole plane ride, Jamie’s lost in thoughts of what it’ll be like. He remembers the reservations surrounding his placement on the Olympic roster, how he was the only guy on the team who’d never made playoffs before. Never again, he thinks, almost with a smile. Now, he thinks of those games, the excitement and intensity of it all, the urgency of the do-or-die atmosphere powering the team to victory. This time, it’ll be with his boys. With Tyler.

Any stumbles they might have had throughout the season don’t even compare to the start of their first playoff game. By the time they reach the halfway point of the game they’re down 4-0 and Jamie feels sick with it. He knows they’re better than this. He tells the boys just as much on the bench and when he and Tyler trade glances on the bench after a shift, he knows it’s up to them to turn this around.

They get a power play near the end of the period and Jamie pounces on a loose puck to get the guys on the board. “Come on guys, let’s go, just gotta keep at it and the pucks are gonna go in,” he tells them as he skates past the bench to fist bump the rest of the team.

Sure enough, that sparks another goal before the period’s over and now they’re only trailing by two. Jamie knows it’s not where they wanted to be but it’s better than how they ended the first and he knows that if they keep this up, they’ll make things happen. He’s rewarded when Tyler deflects in a beauty with just over six minutes left – plenty of time to tie the game up. Tyler’s laughing with him on the bench; it’s his first playoff goal as a Dallas Star – first of many, Jamie hopes – and Jamie feels such a swell of pride seeing him smile like that that for a moment he almost forgets that they’re losing. He lets himself bask in it for a moment longer while he takes a sip of his Gatorade, but then it’s back to business.

The last few minutes of the game are nuts. They pull Kari and put up some intense pressure in the Ducks’ zone, but in the end they run out of time and head back to the hotel with the loss. That night, Jamie cuddles with Tyler in bed after they go over their shifts together, too tired to focus on a movie, but they lie there in comfortable silence, content to just share each other’s warmth.

“So, captain,” Tyler says suddenly, and Jamie recognizes that almost mischievous tone in his voice. “What did you think of your first playoff game?”

Jamie thinks about it for a moment. “It’s not how I would’ve liked it to go,” he answers slowly. “It was a bad start, but I did like the character we showed. We were making a pretty good comeback there. That’s a positive sign at least, but I don’t want us to end up in a hole like that again.”

He can’t see Tyler’s face when they’re spooning like this, but he’s almost certain Tyler’s rolling his eyes. “I’m not the media, you know.”

Jamie huffs into the back of Tyler’s hair. “You called me captain.”

“That’s because you are.”

“I’m more than just that.” Instantly he regrets it; that came out with a bitterness he didn’t even know he had. He kisses the nape of Tyler’s neck in apology.

Tyler rolls over to face him. “Obviously,” he says, so matter-of-factly that Jamie mentally kicks himself. “But you’re still my captain.”

The use of the possessive stirs something in Jamie’s chest. He kisses Tyler’s nose, smiling at the way it crinkles at the touch. “Then that makes you mine.”

For one fleeting moment, Jamie thinks he was totally out of line, and his insides turn to ice. But then Tyler’s beaming at him and scrunching his face like he does when Jamie praises him. He scoots even closer, burying his blushing face into Jamie’s chest and Jamie lets the affection wash over him.

“Yeah, I am. Have been for ages.”

Tyler looks so fucking happy, so at ease and comforted that Jamie’s heart lurches. This is what Tyler’s wanted all this time, he realizes. Tyler was never the party animal the media made him out to be, nor did he have all those commitment problems the Boston crowd jeered him for. He worked so fucking hard all the time, and all because he wanted a sense of belonging, of feeling wanted, of being at home. Dallas gave him that. Jamie gave him that.

And Jamie loves that he can be that person for Tyler.

He wraps his arms around Tyler, strong and protective. Jamie’s always known that people had been wrong about Tyler. He knew that Tyler would do everything it took to prove them wrong. But he’s just so grateful that he got to be a part of it with him. Tyler’s the reason Jamie made the Olympics and he knows that in some small way, after all of Tyler’s ridiculous natural talent and work ethic, Jamie’s part of the reason Tyler’s been able to shed the bad blood the media left him with. He never realized he wanted to be that for a person until it had already happened, and now here they are, snuggling in bed together and actually making a relationship work through the hockey and Jamie’s never felt this happy before.

Emotion is thick in his throat and the prospect of words is overwhelming right now, so Jamie just kisses Tyler’s forehead and holds him close. For now, they can just be, and in two days he knows that they’ll set out to prove everyone wrong again. Together.

~o~

Their second playoff game, on the whole, looks really good. Jamie can feel the team rallying behind him as he carries the puck up the ice, as he watches victory green blur past him from the bench, and he knows they’re on the verge of something great. Even so, they end up trailing, and despite another furious dogfight in the offensive zone in the final minute, they come up short once more and head back to Dallas down by two.

Jamie refuses to let himself be discouraged; this is his first taste of playoff hockey and it’s fun and exciting despite the status of the series. The two games in Anaheim are done and now they have the perfect opportunity to tie the series back up again with their home crowd behind them. He tells the boys as much in the dressing room with more conviction than he’d ever thought he’d be able to muster while the guys all holler and cheer and Tyler looks awed by him, and Jamie’s filled with pride for how well the team is handling themselves.

Game 3 is spectacular. They’re outshot the whole way through but Kari’s game is world-class and the boys capitalize on their opportunities so they shut the Ducks out 3-0. Jamie gets the first goal, ultimately the game-winner, and the exhilaration he gets from finding the back of the net carries him through the entire game. The crowd is electrifying, and when the final buzzer sounds, signifying their first win of the series, the roar is deafening. It’s all Jamie can do to remain composed during his postgame interview; the residual excitement is astounding.

Even once they’re back at the apartment, he has a difficult time settling down, shifting restlessly on the couch while Tyler and Jordie bicker over what to watch on Netflix. He almost caves later that night when Tyler makes a low, suggestive comment about rewarding Jamie for his great game, but Jordie’s groans and catcalls remind him that there’s a rule in place that he absolutely will not break.

The crowd is behind them again just as vehemently in game 4 and it gives the guys life, but the Ducks come out strong and build a two-goal lead going into the second. Jamie kicks off the rally once again with a goal right off his own faceoff and he’s elated, adrenaline pumping through his veins as sure as the fans chanting their names. The boys work their asses off the rest of the game and the end of the third period devolves into a mess of penalties, but they manage to pull off the win and tie the series at two apiece. This is where things are going to get intense, Tyler warns him – as if they weren’t already – but Jamie knows what he means. The only way they’ll win this series is if they at least win a game in Anaheim, and that’s the big challenge now that they have to face.

Tyler was right about the intensity level kicking it up a notch. The first forty minutes of game 5 are full of it, and they head into the third trailing only by one, but then things derail completely and they end the game with a staggering 6-2 loss and Jamie can’t even take a small bit of comfort in his three-game scoring streak.

Back in Dallas, Jamie cuddles and kisses Tyler on the couch while Jordie cooks and complains that they owe him a nice fancy dinner once they win the series. Jamie smiles at that.

“We’re gonna do it,” he murmurs against Tyler’s lips. “We’re gonna win tomorrow and take this series back to Anaheim, and then we’re gonna beat them in front of their own fans.”

Tyler grins. “And then I guess we’ll take Jordie out to dinner.” He raises his voice a little. “Definitely somewhere really cheap.”

“Screw you, I’m choosing!” Jordie yells from the kitchen. Jamie and Tyler laugh.

They step up the intensity level even more in game 6, if that’s even possible. The atmosphere and support from the crowd is overwhelming, giving them that much more of a push, and they enter the third period with a 4-2 lead. Jamie can feel how close they are with every crunch and grind against the boards, with every rush of wind as he skates up and down the ice, and it motivates him to work that much harder.

Things are going great until the Ducks score with just over two minutes left and then the last stretch is downright chaotic, with Anaheim pulling their goalie for the extra man and multiple scrambles in the crease. It’s during one of these frenzied scrambles, when Kari’s caught prone on the ice, that Smith-Pelly lifts the puck over and into the net, taking the game to overtime. Jamie tells the boys not to get discouraged, they’ve got the fans behind them and they’ll find a way to bury the puck for sure, but in the end the puck ends up in their net less than three minutes in and that’s it, Anaheim’s won the series and just like that, their season is over.

It happened so fast that Jamie feels numb with disbelief. Jordie looks gutted; he’d been on the ice for both of the final two goals and all Jamie can do is tap him on the shins with his stick because he knows words won’t help right now. As the disappointment settles, he heads over to rub Kari’s helmet – he was fucking amazing all series, regardless of the result – and then he exchanges kind words with Getzlaf and Perry in the traditional handshake line. He feels gross and miserable, but he’s still the captain of this team and he’s still proud of all the guys for their efforts. He tries to focus on that and let this be the dominant emotion when he meets them at the entrance to the tunnel, making sure to tell each and every one of them good job as they exit the ice for the – and this is the thought that hurts the most – last time this season. Tyler moves in to bump chests when it’s his turn and Jamie’s instinct is to hug him so hard and never let go, but he fights it down and pats him on the helmet like he does everyone else.

They cuddle on the couch together that night, accompanied by Jordie and Marshall and some more than welcome bottles of beer. They’re exhausted and miserable and Marshall whines a little because of it, but he plops down on Jordie’s lap on the couch and for a moment, Jamie’s alert enough through the haze of depression and alcohol to be thankful that at least Jordie has someone to take comfort in too.

That night, Tyler doesn’t go back to his place even though no one actually offered for him to stay. He’s only ever slept over that one other time when they cuddled on the couch all night; Jamie prefers to sleep at Tyler’s place so that they don’t disturb Jordie, but Jordie’s too exhausted to object anyways and Jamie’s lazy but he really does want the company. The loss sucks, but being with Tyler makes it a little more bearable when they’re lying together in bed, too drained physically, mentally, and emotionally to do anything more than give and take the small bits of comfort they can manage. Tyler ends up staying with them for the next two days straight, borrowing Jamie’s slacks and hoodies until he has to go down to his place and fetch proper clothing for the end of season media pressers.

Jamie’s completely worn out by the time he wraps up his final chat with the media, and he slumps into his stall for a few minutes and listens to Tyler’s final interview. He hears mention of his name and he straightens up a little.

“…but if I look at his growth through the year, it’s pretty amazing,” Tyler’s saying. He doesn’t stop there; he gushes about how the Olympic experience did wonders for him, how Jamie really upped his game and showed up big for every important game from that point onwards, whenever the team really needed him, how much more vocal he became as the season went on… Jamie wishes he could make Tyler shut up, but at the same time he wonders how Tyler can still say these things. The only reason Jamie got that Olympic experience was because of Tyler. Jamie thinks he’s probably done a shit job of making sure Tyler realizes that.

Then again, he thinks, he’s also come to terms with the fact that he’s an important person to Tyler, even if he’s sometimes still floored by the idea that he can be that for someone. If he was able to give Tyler just a bit more motivation to play the way he did this season, Jamie figures it was probably worth it.

Afterwards, Jamie and Tyler were thinking of having a date night, but plans change when Jordie heckles them about owing him dinner.

“You said you wanted dinner once we _won_ the series,” Tyler reasons with a smirk, and seeing him make light of it lessens the weight in Jamie’s chest. “That didn’t happen, so you’re not getting anything. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what happens next year.”

“That is unfair and you know it,” Jordie retorts. “I was just keeping things positive.”

“That’s what you get, then.”

In the end, Jamie feels too guilty about it so he convinces Tyler they’ll do date night tomorrow instead. Jordie picks the restaurant and boasts about it for the first fifteen minutes, but talk quickly turns to what their plans will be for the summer. Jamie realizes with a start that they haven’t talked about their summer plans yet. He knows that he and Tyler will have to go their separate ways for most of the summer, and the thought is honestly a little painful.

“Chubbs and I always go back home to Victoria to train and be with our family and friends,” Jordie explains. “What about you, Segs?”

Jamie’s a little surprised when Tyler shrugs. “I haven’t really finalized anything yet,” he admits. “I should go back to Brampton to see my family, but I also want to go back to Boston and see some buddies there, properly this time.” Jamie frowns a little but Tyler continues, “And I wanna look into buying a house or something here, now that Dallas is my home.”

Jamie’s heart swells, and he reaches under the table to grab Tyler’s hand. The smile Tyler gives him in return is so sweet, Jamie wants to just kiss him – but maybe not in public.

Jordie rolls his eyes. “Well, you should come visit us in Victoria when you get the chance,” he tells him. “Chubbs isn’t gonna be able to survive an entire summer without you at this rate.”

Jamie flushes, but Tyler’s grin only widens. “Yeah, sounds good, I’ll definitely try to work in a visit,” he says, squeezing Jamie’s hand, and Jamie’s stomach does a little flip.

“Speaking of which,” Jordie says, and he glances both ways before lowering his voice a little. “You guys gonna tell anyone yet?”

Jamie and Tyler exchanges glances and Tyler shrugs. Jamie clears his throat.

“Um, well, I was thinking, if it’s okay with Tyler, I’ll tell Mom and Dad?”

“They cool?” Tyler asks. “With, you know.” He gestures vaguely.

Jamie looks over at Jordie. “I mean, none of us knew Jamie could be into dudes before this, so that’ll be a little unexpected,” Jordie admits, “but our parents are pretty accepting. They’d keep it quiet if Jamie asked, too. He’ll always be their little baby; they’ll do whatever he asks.”

Jamie feels his cheeks heating up again. “Hey!”

“Just try and tell me that’s not true, Chubbs.”

Jamie opens his mouth to retort but Tyler’s laughing at them both. “All right, I get it,” he chuckles. “It’s fine.” He meets Jamie’s eyes. “We’ll talk more later, yeah?” Jamie nods. He doesn’t really want to talk about it right now anyways, but he is glad Jordie brought the matter to their attention.

Later ends up being that night when they’re wearing only their boxers, after they’ve been sloppily making out on Tyler’s bed long enough that their hair is a collective disaster from wandering hands and they’re half hard, which admittedly kills the mood but that ends up not being such a bad thing after all. It’s Tyler who asks, pulls back a little after sucking at Jamie’s neck and asks, “So, you thinking of coming out to your parents?”

Jamie shifts to sit up on the bed. Tyler remains lying on his side, head resting on one arm while he looks up and his other arm draping across Jamie’s knee. The view is a little distracting, if Jamie’s being honest with himself here. He wonders when he started thinking Tyler was so pretty.

“Yeah,” he says finally. It comes out as a little sigh. “It’s just, if you do come to visit, they should probably know. And they’re good people, Jordie’s right – they won’t tell anyone, they’ll be good.”

“You’re really sure about that, huh?”

Jamie nods. “We’ve had gay friends before. My parents don’t care what people are as long as they’re good people.”

Tyler smiles. “That does sound like good people.”

“So it’s okay, then?”

“Yeah, just make sure you let me know how it goes right after.”

“For sure.” Jamie watches him bite his lips. He doesn’t even think Tyler realizes half the time he does it, but it’s always nice to look when he does. “Do you have anyone you’d want to tell? Apart from Brownie, I mean.”

For the first time, Tyler looks unsure. “Well, I mean, I don’t need to tell my family, honestly, but I have some buddies, and they already know I’m bisexual so I’d trust them with this, but I get it if you’re not okay – you don’t know them, and it’s not the same as with family.”

Jamie is silent for a while. Tyler gently strokes his knee, waiting patiently, like he always has. “Can I think about that some more?” he asks finally, looking down, not bearing to meet Tyler’s eyes right now. “I’m sorry.”

Tyler squeezes his knee. “No, it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he assures him. “I know this is still different for you. Take your time.”

“Wait and see how things go with my parents first?” Jamie asks tentatively.

“Sure thing.”

Jamie doesn’t know how he deserves someone this patient. He tells Tyler as much and Tyler laughs in his face.

“That makes two of us, then.”

Tyler always manages to find the perfect thing to say to render Jamie speechless, and that’s another thing he doesn’t know how he deserves. He leans down to kiss Tyler’s nose and then lies back next to him. They trade kisses for a while again, Tyler’s words resonating through his brain, until he has to stop and speak.

“They really like talking about us, don’t they?” he asks. He doesn’t need to clarify for Tyler to know what he means, even without any preamble. He likes that.

“We’re the Dallas Stars’ one-two punch,” Tyler replies with an easy grin. “We’re pretty nice to look at to boot – who wouldn’t want to talk about us?”

Jamie nudges him playfully in the shoulder. “We did it, though,” he says softly. Tyler looks at him inquisitively. “We proved them wrong, just like you wanted. Maybe we didn’t win in the playoffs, but we came close, and besides – no one even thought we’d make it there in the first place, especially after what happened in March.” Something flickers across Tyler’s face and Jamie watches him swallow. It’s still tough remembering, he knows, so he continues. “We’re a team that’s rebuilding. This was just the first year. It’s only just beginning for us.”

“For us,” Tyler repeats. He smiles and cuddles up closer, settling his head on Jamie’s chest. Jamie wraps an arm around him. “I can’t wait for date night tomorrow, you know.”

It’s so unexpected that Jamie bursts out laughing. “Why’s that?” he asks when he calms down enough to speak.

Tyler runs a hand down Jamie’s chest appreciatively. He’s got that big grin on his face and that glimmer in his eyes again. “Now that we don’t need to worry about hockey anymore, you can go all out.”

“Oh my god, Tyler.”

“What?” Tyler protests. “The idea of you fucking me so hard I can’t walk the next day turns me on like you have no idea.”

“ _Tyler_!”

But Tyler’s already crawling up on top of him and leaning in for a kiss and his thigh is sneaking in between Jamie’s legs so Jamie doesn’t have time to be embarrassed anymore. He bites at Tyler’s lower lip and grabs onto his hips, pulling him in close as they start rutting against each other.

“Gotta get my fill before we leave for the summer,” Tyler breathes into Jamie’s mouth when he pulls back a little for air. He winks obscenely. “If you know what I mean.”

“You shut your mouth,” Jamie says stupidly in retort, pulling him back in for another kiss, and when Tyler melts into it like he always does, Jamie lets the rest of the world and its worries disappear for a while. He doesn’t know what the future will hold for them, hockey or otherwise, but if Tyler’s going to be by his side for it, he thinks they’ll be just fine.

~o~

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this fic was extremely cathartic for me for multiple reasons. Writing Jamie as demisexual was a really interesting experience for me because it enabled me to pinpoint my own sexuality after struggling to figure out what was "wrong" with me for so long. Also, I used to be a huge prude, and this is my first time writing porn, so that's been an important step forward for me as well. 
> 
> Something I really wanted to get across was Jamie's perspective on Tyler's behavior. There are so many wonderful narratives from Tyler's POV depicting his growth in Dallas, but I really wanted to look at it from a different angle, wanted to show Jamie realizing how gone Tyler is on him, how important Dallas is to him. I hope that at least somewhat came across.
> 
> Comments and concrit are greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoyed this trash monster. :)
> 
> Come chat with me at nuanta-fic.tumblr.com :)


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